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08-30-2006, 08:33 AM | #1 |
R.I.P. Chip Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: The Crawler State
Posts: 13,938
| Don't eat Pringles Fat Free chips!
Don't even fawking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat. I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fawk. The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fawking tell you... Except in tiny print you cant read without a fawking electron microscope ...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible A$$ Grease." Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding. So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow. Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes $hitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the Fawk?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then? So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You Fawking Pringle bastards. I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff. The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fawking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So. I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean. That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fawking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work. You fawking Pringle bastards. The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fawking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that $hit again. Fawking Pringle bastards. This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fawk Pringles. |
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08-30-2006, 08:46 AM | #2 |
Pebble Pounder Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Reppin the Pimp Cane in...North Jersey
Posts: 153
| That really sucks. Sorry to hear about your mishap, but thanks for the warning. Pringles are the Devil |
08-30-2006, 08:46 AM | #3 |
Newbie Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Birmingham,England
Posts: 3
| Thats friggin hilarious |
08-30-2006, 08:49 AM | #4 |
I wanna be Dave Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Happiness is a warm AK.
Posts: 12,563
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That's the funniest shait I've ever read! |
08-30-2006, 08:53 AM | #5 |
Debunking old stereotypes Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 1st and Amistad
Posts: 2,260
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Thank God I never liked those pressed mashed taters called Pringles.
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08-30-2006, 09:00 AM | #6 |
RCC Addict Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: SERCRC
Posts: 1,680
| That's some funny ****! It's quiet in the office so I'm trying to keep from busting out laughing.... you're killing me! I'm in tears trying to hold it in! |
08-30-2006, 09:01 AM | #7 |
Quarry Creeper Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Shillington
Posts: 462
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Don't eat the whole damn can(s) for god sake!! I was laughing my azz off too! |
08-30-2006, 09:04 AM | #8 |
Rock Crawler Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: glastonbury
Posts: 992
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im sending this to pringles! heres another story http://www.pirate4x4.com/forum/showthread.php?t=504473 Last edited by peej410; 08-30-2006 at 09:07 AM. |
08-30-2006, 09:06 AM | #9 |
Newbie Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Here
Posts: 3
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at least you were not drunk, and attempted to wipe up with bathroom cleaner http://www.pirate4x4.com/forum/showthread.php?t=504473 -Paul |
08-30-2006, 09:33 AM | #10 |
I wanna be Dave Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: G6'N
Posts: 7,391
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thanks for making me spit my starbucks all over the screen that was some funny chit Jason.
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08-30-2006, 09:38 AM | #11 |
Quarry Creeper Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: The Great White North
Posts: 465
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It's not just Pringles... There are several other companies that use this "olean" stuff. So beware of any so called "fat free" chips. This stuff was all over the news about 2 years ago... On like 60 minutes and stuff. I'm surprised they still make it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olestra incidently... I fell out of my fawkin' chair I was laughing so hard, think I broke my ***... thanx man |
08-30-2006, 09:42 AM | #12 |
I wanna be Dave Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: One Legend.
Posts: 2,134
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08-30-2006, 09:50 AM | #13 | |
R.I.P. Chip Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: The Crawler State
Posts: 13,938
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08-30-2006, 09:54 AM | #14 |
I wanna be Dave Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: between heaven and hell.
Posts: 3,367
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I'm sitting at work hardly able to contain myself, ready to roll on the floor laughing. Olean came out origonally with lays or something like that. My wife purchased some and we had about 1/2 a bag. The next morning we had the sh1ts, nothing as bad as posted but we never purchased ANYTHING that looked even close to Olean. |
08-30-2006, 09:58 AM | #15 |
I wanna be Dave Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: USA
Posts: 11,196
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I just shait myself from laughing so hard. |
08-30-2006, 10:10 AM | #16 |
Quarry Creeper Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Bryant, AR
Posts: 463
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Im in the library right now and I am trying to keep from laughing loudly, but cant.
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08-30-2006, 10:19 AM | #17 |
Rock Crawler Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Dayton
Posts: 712
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jason you suck man, i'm sitting here in english class (finished my work early and decided to check out my favorite site) trying as hard as i possibly can with little success to keep from bursting out laughing. That's just too funny...and sad. -Dalton |
08-30-2006, 10:46 AM | #18 |
Rock Crawler Join Date: May 2006 Location: Burrillville, RI
Posts: 778
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HAHHAHA... I knew where this was going when I read the title....
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08-30-2006, 10:51 AM | #19 |
Pebble Pounder Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: B.C. Canada
Posts: 139
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Hahaha ohhh my god....that is some funny chit!!!
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08-30-2006, 10:54 AM | #20 |
Sinking with the ship Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: El Capitan...sole survivor and sinking fast
Posts: 8,864
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LMFAO HAHA that **** is to fawkin funny |
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