Just a laugh

[WheelChair]

Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one; a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.


Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are
some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with
a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
Descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

[Robb]

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

Take that EP!!!!

[WheelChair]

Originally Posted by Robb

http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp

Take that EP!!!!

Damn Robb.... had a bit of caffeine today?

WC

[chrisjlittle]

I think robb likes snopes too much. He beat me on the 2 dollar bill thread a while back

[Robb]

Originally Posted by WheelChair

Damn Robb.... had a bit of caffeine today?

WC

Plenty of diet coke.................with a little vodka added.




Just to add to this discussion a little. By NO means does it take a college degree to pilot an airline aircraft. Try to find a college with a "pilot" program. Most airline pilots are ex-military pilots or civil citizens who worked their way up from "private" pilot. Many, if not most, pilots don't hold a degree.

In turn, mechanics have to be certified by the FAA, and complete A&P training through an accredited school. EVERYTHING that an A&P mechanic does has to be done via manufacturer and FAA guidelines. It is NOT a responsibility to be taken lightly!! If a mechanic does something wrong, and people crash and die because of it, not only does his conscience have to deal with it, but criminal and civil lawsuits can and will be delivered for each and every person killed. Working on a plane that will carry 300+ people six miles in the air is a huge responsibility, and one that I came close to, but luckily got away from.

[chrisjlittle]

Originally Posted by Robb

Plenty of diet coke.................with a little vodka added.




Just to add to this discussion a little. By NO means does it take a college degree to pilot an airline aircraft. Try to find a college with a "pilot" program. Most airline pilots are ex-military pilots or civil citizens who worked their way up from "private" pilot. Many, if not most, pilots don't hold a degree.

In turn, mechanics have to be certified by the FAA, and complete A&P training through an accredited school. EVERYTHING that an A&P mechanic does has to be done via manufacturer and FAA guidelines. It is NOT a responsibility to be taken lightly!! If a mechanic does something wrong, and people crash and die because of it, not only does his conscience have to deal with it, but criminal and civil lawsuits can and will be delivered for each and every person killed. Working on a plane that will carry 300+ people six miles in the air is a huge responsibility, and one that I came close to, but luckily got away from.

Hell, even being a car mechanic is a pretty big responsibility. A few years ago, a competitor of the shop I was working at assembled a steering column wrong, and it came apart on the highway, killing the driver. That shop went out of business due to lawsuit if I'm not mistaken.

[Rok_Dok]

Univ of Cincinnati offers a Pilot course, I know a guy that is a Mechanic/private pilot that works at a small airport and they have to "time to time" fly experimental aircraft (joe dumbass down the street built) and make sure that all systems are ok and what have you..... So far the biggest issue was a passenger canopy blow in and 70 % loss of left aeleron(sp I KNOW) control after a CERTIFIED instructor(has to check aircraft for safety issues before flying anyway) didnt strap a engine compartment back down properly. He was a good enough pilot to get it back down from bout 4000ft in its damaged state(he checked the compartment before takeoff but the instructor behind him "rechecked").

[xjman]

Does he work at Lunkin or whatever? I have a buddy Shane Mohr that works out there.

[JavelinSST390]

The University of Nebraska offers Pilot training,at the Agriculture campus, but it costs nearly as much as a regular year's tuition and doesn't count towards any degree.

(It's a college for farming... I believe the whole idea is to train crop-dusters.)

[Rok_Dok]

Its Lunken.... but my bud works at Blue ash