then the fight started......

[3speed]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...
--------- --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started...
------- --------- --------- --------- -----
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----[/B]
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- ---
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday. And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
My wife and I are watching ]Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started....

[toyofast]

Nice.....

[Tupers]

ROFLOL

[3speed]

Fourth Place:

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'

She replies, 'If yourpenis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

Third Place:

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's' arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey,

I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh..'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'


Runner Up:

Bill worked in a pickle factory.

He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day

to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.

He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it,
but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.

He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later,

Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'


'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too..'




Winner:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,

'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked

as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied,

'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.

0D 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!'

[braceysdad]

Funny but now I have a headache from trying to read that red text

[3speed]

fixed for you Mr.BD

[braceysdad]

Originally Posted by 3speed

fixed for you Mr.BD

that's even funnier...

thanks but now I guess it's the adult beverages giving me a bad head

[3speed]

lol drink faster it will go away

[Duuuuuuuude]

A man returns from the doctor one morning with grave news. He sits his wife down to break it to her. He explains that he has less than 24 hours to live. They decide to live his last day to the fullest, doing all the things and seeing all the sites that he never got around to doing.

That night they made mad passionate love.

Shortly after they were done, he turns to her and wants to do it again. They do.

Again, once they were done, and just before his wife was about to drift off to sleep, he asks to do it again. Of course, she grants the request.

It was getting quite late, but he asks again, and she tiredly agrees. It was, after all, his last night alive.

Now it was in the early morning hours, knowing his time was terribly short, he wakes her up and asks again.

"Dammit Larry", his wife replies, "some of us have to get up and go to work in the morning!"

[Duuuuuuuude]

A couple were celebrating thier 50th wedding anniversary and had gathered all 7 of their children at thier house for the party.

The husband spent a great deal of time in his easy chair, lovingly watching and talking with his children and his childrens children. His heart warmed with all of the memories that ran through his head.

Later that night, when they had all gone back to thier homes and hotels, he sat hand in hand with his wife, discussing thier day and what it had meant to have them all there.

"You know, I'm so proud of all our children. They all have grown up so wonderfully. Even the families they have made for themselves are so beautiful." he states.

"Yes, dear" the wife replies. "I'd say we did a pretty good job."

"There is something that bothers me though. In fact, its always bothered me..." the husband says.

"Its Bobby, isn't it?" his wife says, her eyes falling to the floor.

"Now don't get me wrong, I love Bobby just as much as the rest. I'm very proud of what he's accomplished and the family he's got. But...and this is hard for me to ask...but he doesn't have the same father as the rest of the children, does he? I mean, he's the only one with red hair and he's a middle child. The rest are all blonde. Is there something you want to tell me? And don't be afraid dear, it will not change the way I feel one bit. I just want to know for my own sake."

His wife draws in a deep breath, and mustering as much courage and compassion as she can, replies "Your right dear. He did have a differnt father."

The man sighs and says "I thought so. No, I knew so, from the very beginning."

"Are you mad?"

"No, I've raised him and loved him no differnetly than the others. Besides, its too late to be mad. But I must know, who is his father?"

Hesitantly, his wife takes his hand and replies...

.
.
.

"You are."

[tanner]

funny stuff

[bigranger48111]

Id like to phone a freind.....lol