My ass is itchy

[BEELZEBOB]

damn dude, you should invest in some baby, Talc, or goldbond powder.

[helhedded]

Originally Posted by DonsATV

yeah seriously

[fernando]

you got problems!:?

[Mr.Slave]

Originally Posted by 72Blazer

At least it only itched for a day. Last year mine itched for about 10 days.
Let me explain:
I thought I would do something "different" for my wife and shave my ass crack.It looked like a catapllar lived there so I thought she might like it since I "groom" south of the equator anyways.
Well let me tell you that you have to be a gymnist or a contorshionist to reach that area.Here I was in the shower probably looking like a dog chasing its tail,spin around clockwise the counterclockwise,then try to reach up between the legs,spin around some more,get dizzy and have to prop myself up against the wall for a few moments and then keep going.Took a while,drained the hot water heater,but MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Showed my wife what I did expection her to give me that little grin but noooo.....she just laughed and walked away.NOT the reaction I was expecting!Well since she didn't really think it was cool I said to myself "never again will I shave there,too much trouble".
Well the next day is when I realized that the hair I shaved actually acted as an insulator between my cheeks.Now when I walked my crack would get all sweaty and slimey feeling.Walking let my cheeks rub together,which created friction and friction turned into heat thus creating sweat.Not a great feeling!Well It would only take a few weeks to get back to normal and I really didn't have a choice since I wasn't going to shave there anymore.
2nd day the hair started to grow back causing a "prickly" sensation.Again..OK,I can live with it.Well the 3rd day was my first day in hell.The prickly sensation turned into needles jabbing my ass crack.I guess thats what getting a tattoo feels like.Was not a good feeling and made me walk really funny but I could live with it for now.
Well the following day I found out that all that rubbing of my cheeks with the stubble had removed a lot of skin in my crack,just like sandpaper.So now I have open wounds that ooze liguid which mixed with the sweat creating a disgusting,slimey feeling in my crack.Not good!
Creams only added to the slimey feeling.
And when I wiped after crapping it looked like winter had arrived.It looked like snowflakes landing on a pond.And when I flushed it looked like Mr Hankey in a snowglobe,pretty cool! A few more days of this and hopefully it would be over.WRONG!
Now the open wounds started to scab over but the stubble would open them right back up as soon as I started to walk,making it ooze down my crack.This cycle lasted 5 fricking days! DEFINATELY NOT COOL!
After over 2 weeks of being in hell and having an itchy,slimey ass crack was I finially back to normal.
I will NEVER do that again!
So be thankful your itchy ass only lasted a day.

lol it's been a bit longer than a day for me.

[team3six]

Well here seems to be the problem

[yarddog35]

Holy shit that's the first "I shaved my ass crack" story I have read!

That there is funny!

[joemomma95]

I hear drinking bleach will help with itchy ass.

[thatguy]

Sounds like you are in blue polyester uniforms in a sweat shop? Let me guess the last few weeks, the carnivorous crab bugs have been busy? Thats itch that comes on like a short and curly was pulled. Powder helps. But every 2 or 3 hours go into the john and wipe your butt.Dont forget to wipe the taint and bottom of the boys. Short stroke backwards. Cuts down on rott and leaves you surprisingly fresh. When i was a larger man. I would also do my belt line under the man tank.

[Mr.Slave]

I chaffed my gooch once or twice that ****ing sucks. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[JeremyH]

Originally Posted by Mr.Slave

I chaffed my gooch once or twice that ****ing sucks. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

What about your hootus? You ever get any bedliner on that puppy?

[Ripperfi]

Is Mr slave a woman? Never heard of a man having a gooch. And 72Blazer, why...what? Why would you shave your a hole? What were you expecting your wife to do with this newly hairless area? No, I dont wanna know, Ive learned too much already. Man, you guys got issues.

[Mr.Slave]

Originally Posted by Ripperfi

Is Mr slave a woman? Never heard of a man having a gooch. And 72Blazer, why...what? Why would you shave your a hole? What were you expecting your wife to do with this newly hairless area? No, I dont wanna know, Ive learned too much already. Man, you guys got issues.

gooch: between a dick and an asshole.

[Ripperfi]

That area is called the taint.

[Mr.Slave]

Originally Posted by Ripperfi

That area is called the taint.

gooch is better.

[RustlerHustler]

Notcha

Notcha ass and notcha little guy

[AlmstEvil665]

Originally Posted by 72Blazer

At least it only itched for a day. Last year mine itched for about 10 days.
Let me explain:
I thought I would do something "different" for my wife and shave my ass crack.It looked like a catapllar lived there so I thought she might like it since I "groom" south of the equator anyways.
Well let me tell you that you have to be a gymnist or a contorshionist to reach that area.Here I was in the shower probably looking like a dog chasing its tail,spin around clockwise the counterclockwise,then try to reach up between the legs,spin around some more,get dizzy and have to prop myself up against the wall for a few moments and then keep going.Took a while,drained the hot water heater,but MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Showed my wife what I did expection her to give me that little grin but noooo.....she just laughed and walked away.NOT the reaction I was expecting!Well since she didn't really think it was cool I said to myself "never again will I shave there,too much trouble".
Well the next day is when I realized that the hair I shaved actually acted as an insulator between my cheeks.Now when I walked my crack would get all sweaty and slimey feeling.Walking let my cheeks rub together,which created friction and friction turned into heat thus creating sweat.Not a great feeling!Well It would only take a few weeks to get back to normal and I really didn't have a choice since I wasn't going to shave there anymore.
2nd day the hair started to grow back causing a "prickly" sensation.Again..OK,I can live with it.Well the 3rd day was my first day in hell.The prickly sensation turned into needles jabbing my ass crack.I guess thats what getting a tattoo feels like.Was not a good feeling and made me walk really funny but I could live with it for now.
Well the following day I found out that all that rubbing of my cheeks with the stubble had removed a lot of skin in my crack,just like sandpaper.So now I have open wounds that ooze liguid which mixed with the sweat creating a disgusting,slimey feeling in my crack.Not good!
Creams only added to the slimey feeling.
And when I wiped after crapping it looked like winter had arrived.It looked like snowflakes landing on a pond.And when I flushed it looked like Mr Hankey in a snowglobe,pretty cool! A few more days of this and hopefully it would be over.WRONG!
Now the open wounds started to scab over but the stubble would open them right back up as soon as I started to walk,making it ooze down my crack.This cycle lasted 5 fricking days! DEFINATELY NOT COOL!
After over 2 weeks of being in hell and having an itchy,slimey ass crack was I finially back to normal.
I will NEVER do that again!
So be thankful your itchy ass only lasted a day.

I can't believe I read all of that. I was hoping at the end there was gonna be something saying I read this somewhere but noooo. Why in the hell would you ever make that public knowledge on the internet. A simple "I shave my crack once and it iched for two weeks" would have been plenty. So I'm guessing you wanted the wife to toss your salad but she said no. So you thought hmmm I'll shave my crack and she'll go to town. Everyone knows if you shave anything other than your face it gets itchy. But I would like to thank you I now feel dumber for having had read that.

PS

[72Blazer]

Originally Posted by AlmstEvil665

Why in the hell would you ever make that public knowledge on the internet.

I consider it a Public Service announcement,you know.......don't do drugs,don't drink and drive and don't ever shave your ass crack.

[EeePee]

I finally had to see WTF this was about.

If wiping yourself off every couple hours don't fix it, or showering don't fix it, or cream don't fix it, or powder don't fix it, you just might have yourself a real problem.

[EeePee]

Originally Posted by 72Blazer

I consider it a Public Service announcement

Dude, that was hysterical.

[Mr.Slave]

Originally Posted by EeePee

I finally had to see WTF this was about.

If wiping yourself off every couple hours don't fix it, or showering don't fix it, or cream don't fix it, or powder don't fix it, you just might have yourself a real problem.

no problems anymore