Go Back   RCCrawler Forums > Miscellaneous > Chit Chat
Loading

Notices

Thread: Hey Crackhead!! Funny Craigslist ad..

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-21-2010, 02:02 PM   #1
Rock Crawler
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: SUPERMOTO heaven
Posts: 695
Default Hey Crackhead!! Funny Craigslist ad..

cross posted from a motorcycle forum:

Quote:
craigslist > SF bay area > Hey Crackhead


Hey Crackhead

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Yes, you. You sick ****er. On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.

Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that "people" - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again.

Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend's place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering. Overall, I wasn't that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how ****ed up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night.

But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. You couldn't just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn't rest on your laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn't enough for you, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more.

This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right one - maybe you were having an off night. At least this time I had a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it - or so I thought - having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2" drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4" and 3/8" ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2" ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount (I'm 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8"-to-1/2" drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And to that I say "Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I'm not finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2" ratchet anyway so it's probably not worth it to take it back now."

OK, now I'm rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable. I've heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don't understand is,

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the ****ing saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thought into this, have you?

Please, Crackhead, please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn't possibly be that stupid.

I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead - specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering shit, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude.

Here are my options as I see them:

1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it was his idea.

2. Don't write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison. This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable crime. I'm sure this is super illegal and shit, but it's not like anyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don't fool yourself.

3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2" drive socket wrench, my 18mm sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It's pretty heavy and well balanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry.

In conclusion, Crackhead, why don't you just do both of us a favor and buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it.

Sincerely,
Matt

*** If you are not the Crackhead that took my sparkplugs, please disregard this posting ***
engineerjoe is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Old 01-21-2010, 02:10 PM   #2
I wanna be Dave
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Castle Rock, WA
Posts: 8,786
Default

That engineer still uses a slide rule. Now that's funny.
Szczerba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2010, 02:14 PM   #3
I wanna be Dave
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 16,952
Default

Haha....I thought the same thing!
JeremyH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2010, 02:26 PM   #4
~THE SCALE SHOP~
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: KILLEEN TX
Posts: 10,056
Default

didnt read yours, but this CL ad from today was funny too

STANG KILLA SS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2010, 02:31 PM   #5
I wanna be Dave
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Castle Rock, WA
Posts: 8,786
Default

Sounds like a good offer cause she is hot and ready. But I bet Chief Wiggum and the boys will be waiting there too.
Szczerba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2010, 03:01 PM   #6
I wanna be Dave
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: roland,ar
Posts: 5,981
Default

...or the boyz in blue...

"master"?
sounds like ho's and chains and swangin thangs!
ROLANDROCKSHOP is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2010, 04:04 PM   #7
Suck it up!
 
Duuuuuuuude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 11,652
Default

somebody should text her...

"its your mom, sweety. I'm on my way over."
Duuuuuuuude is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2010, 04:17 PM   #8
Quarry Creeper
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 247
Default

What kinda panzy brings there bike to a shop to get new spark plugs in? What a girly man. Bet it was a sweet bike.

Last edited by MnRockCrawler; 01-22-2010 at 01:15 AM.
MnRockCrawler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2010, 04:22 PM   #9
Hateraide
 
Code454's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Mission BC
Posts: 1,538
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Duuuuuuuude View Post
somebody should text her...

"its your mom, sweety. I'm on my way over."

someone should do this^^^
Code454 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2010, 08:59 PM   #10
Pebble Pounder
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: newfoundland, canada
Posts: 99
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MnRockCrawler View Post
What kinda panzy brings there bike to a shop to get new spark plugs in? What a girl man. Bet it was a sweet bike.

this was my first thought, as i was reading this!
flybynighter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2010, 03:00 AM   #11
RCC Addict
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United States of the Offended
Posts: 1,184
Default

You' be surprised how many people can fawk up such a simple task as threading in a spark plug, some people shouldn't have access to hand tools.
But then again they do generate income for many Americans.
DonsATV is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:54 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.
Copyright 2004-2014 RCCrawler.com