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BJoe · 07-31-2010, 12:42 AM

Yet Another Oldie

Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

dezfan · 07-31-2010, 10:18 AM

Never used #7 or #14 before, thanks!

2500hdon37s · 07-31-2010, 10:39 AM

LAMO!

lets go shopping!

ive done the condoms to old ppl at walmart and stuff, then started a biker gang at walmart

seabeejeep · 07-31-2010, 11:18 AM

LMAO brb i have to go to Target...

EvilTwin v2 · 07-31-2010, 11:39 AM

Hahaha!!! I just did the first one today!!! It was only 1 box, though.

RANOVRU · 07-31-2010, 01:18 PM

#2 Ive done plenty of times........

Thanks for the ideas

balln · 07-31-2010, 04:36 PM

#2

#3

Tydl · 07-31-2010, 06:31 PM

you have a young heart and a great sense of humor. I laughed at each one and think you should start at Walmart now!

NorCal 2500HD · 08-01-2010, 01:13 AM

The old phone systems in walmart used to have the PA button on the phone. We would go in and grab a tickle me elmo. Go out to the garden center and hit the pa button on the phone, then hit the elmo and calmly walk away.....made for good times when we were just outta high school.........

72Blazer · 08-01-2010, 08:16 AM

Funny but it should be Wal Mart and not Target.There is no hunting department and Target doesn't sell guns plus there is no "code 3" either. Still funny though.

Stormin2u · 08-01-2010, 08:32 AM

Good one I'm all for senior citizens enjoying themselves in retirement.

BJoe · 08-01-2010, 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 72Blazer

Funny but it should be Wal Mart and not Target.There is no hunting department and Target doesn't sell guns plus there is no "code 3" either. Still funny though.

I know, couldn't find the Walmart version though.

country_crawler · 08-02-2010, 07:05 AM

2.

6.

13.

and
15.

aztitan · 08-02-2010, 04:32 PM

they sell guns @ the targets in Texas

canadianbacon · 08-02-2010, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aztitan

they sell guns @ the targets in Texas

I'm pretty sure you can buy gas, a pack of smokes and a gun all at the same time in Texas lol

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07-31-2010, 12:42 AM	#1
BJoe I wanna be Dave Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: We-Go, Chi-Town, Ill Posts: 2,550	Why Women Should Never Take Men Shopping Yet Another Oldie Why Women Shouldn't Take Men Shopping After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target. Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least: 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

07-31-2010, 10:18 AM	#2
dezfan I wanna be Dave Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Happiness is a warm AK. Posts: 12,563	Never used #7 or #14 before, thanks!

07-31-2010, 10:39 AM	#3
2500hdon37s I wanna be Dave Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: sittin in the sky Posts: 4,630	LAMO! lets go shopping! ive done the condoms to old ppl at walmart and stuff, then started a biker gang at walmart Last edited by 2500hdon37s; 07-31-2010 at 10:42 AM.

07-31-2010, 11:18 AM	#4
seabeejeep Pebble Pounder Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: flatland Posts: 144	LMAO brb i have to go to Target...

07-31-2010, 11:39 AM	#5
EvilTwin v2 I wanna be Dave Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: EvilCrawlerDesigns@comcast.net Posts: 3,510	Hahaha!!! I just did the first one today!!! It was only 1 box, though.

07-31-2010, 01:18 PM	#6
RANOVRU Quarry Creeper Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Mechanicsville, VA Posts: 464	#2 Ive done plenty of times........ Thanks for the ideas

07-31-2010, 04:36 PM	#7
balln Rock Crawler Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Bushnell FL Posts: 648	#2 #3

07-31-2010, 06:31 PM	#8
Tydl RCC Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: I don't think theres rocks in Florida Posts: 1,228	you have a young heart and a great sense of humor. I laughed at each one and think you should start at Walmart now!

08-01-2010, 01:13 AM	#9
NorCal 2500HD Rock Crawler Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fremont/Newark, California Posts: 710	The old phone systems in walmart used to have the PA button on the phone. We would go in and grab a tickle me elmo. Go out to the garden center and hit the pa button on the phone, then hit the elmo and calmly walk away.....made for good times when we were just outta high school.........

08-01-2010, 08:16 AM	#10
72Blazer Rock Crawler Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Safety Harbor Posts: 588	Funny but it should be Wal Mart and not Target.There is no hunting department and Target doesn't sell guns plus there is no "code 3" either. Still funny though.

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08-01-2010, 08:32 AM	#11
Stormin2u I wanna be Dave Join Date: May 2007 Location: Taylors Falls just hanging with the MNRCRC crew. Posts: 7,843	Good one I'm all for senior citizens enjoying themselves in retirement.

08-02-2010, 07:05 AM	#13
country_crawler RCC Addict Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Rock Bouncin' with the Patented Technique Posts: 1,374	2. 6. 13. and 15.

08-02-2010, 04:32 PM	#14
aztitan Quarry Creeper Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: us Posts: 391	they sell guns @ the targets in Texas

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