Would you go to the viewing of a loved one? Have you?

[ScaleReady]

Everything I have been going through lately made me think. Who here would go to the viewing of a loved one, if given the opportunity?

Have you ever been to one?

Until yesterday, I have never gone to one, and don't think I have had the chance to either. It was VERY hard to do, and I am certainly glad that I did. There is the argument that you don't want that to be the last image you see of them, but it wasn't like that for me. I still close my eyes and see the goofy ass kid I always knew. It was upsetting for sure.

[JeremyH]

I went to the viewing of a dear friend who had drowned and been under water for several hours. It was NOT an easy thing to do. And yes, it was tough, but like you, that is not what I remember of my friend.....I remember all of the good times.

[Highmark]

Man, I feel for you.

My cousin was shot by her son who then shot himself a few years ago. I went to both viewings, because I think it's an important part of the grieving process. You have to be sad at some point and work through your grief, otherwise you'll never deal with it.

Anyway, I wish you the best, sorry for your loss.

[4xFord]

While it may or may not help give you closure, my opinion is that it is not for you, and not for the deceased. It is for a show of support for the deceased's family. Think of them, think of how much it means to see that their family member had so many people that cared for them enough to come to a viewing and pay their respects. It is a great source of comfort to see that your loved one had an impact on that many other people's lives.

And yes I would go to the viewing and have.

[crash]

Yes--and I broke down when I did and like you it was a very close friend.

It was hard but it was my last chance to say goodbye and its just not the same till you are there with them..

Never forget those memories--when our loved ones are gone its part of us...

[DVS]

I've been to two in the past two months.
One this past Wednesday for my nephew's half brother and the other in September for my Grandmother.

Sorry for your loss.

[semnmrc]

Originally Posted by 4xFord

While it may or may not help give you closure, my opinion is that it is not for you, and not for the deceased. It is for a show of support for the deceased's family. Think of them, think of how much it means to see that their family member had so many people that cared for them enough to come to a viewing and pay their respects. It is a great source of comfort to see that your loved one had an impact on that many other people's lives.

And yes I would go to the viewing and have.

x2.

I always remember them as they were, not as they are.

[STANG KILLA SS]

i always prefer not too. because its the image that will stay with you for the rest of your life (mind works weird)
when i go to the funeral, i prefer to just stay in my pew and remember the good times. and those images/ memories.
ill never forget when my grandma pass a few years ago. i was going to see her in the hospital every couple of days when her time was nearing. i wish i had never gone the last time to be honest.
she was not consious and her body was bloated to unrecognizable state. thats the image my mind always remembers. same goes with body viewing at funerals.
so i because i want to partake in the funeral, but i just dont walk up and view.
i hope this helps.

edit: i should have read your entire post, not just the first part.

[badhoopty]

i also prefer to remember a person as i knew them.

edit - my first funeral i did go up to the casket, i didnt like it. also saw him slowly dwindle away in a coma before he died over the course of a week or so. i would do that again without hesitation but its tough.

[dkf]

.....

[Meatwad]

Originally Posted by 4xFord

While it may or may not help give you closure, my opinion is that it is not for you, and not for the deceased. It is for a show of support for the deceased's family. Think of them, think of how much it means to see that their family member had so many people that cared for them enough to come to a viewing and pay their respects. It is a great source of comfort to see that your loved one had an impact on that many other people's lives.

And yes I would go to the viewing and have.

This ^

If it helps you with closure, good. If anything go for the living loved ones and show support in celebrating the past life of the loved one deceased. Its all a part of life although not easy to deal with.

I've been to a few viewings now, 3 grandparents so far and a couple friends. Doesn't get easier.

[Frankenwheely]

2 Grandma's.
My Mom's mom was a viewing, and I was one of the pall-bearers. I went to her side.
My Dad's mom was a cremation, but before that, I was there at her death bed. That one I couldn't deal with. Because I was really close with her and I wanted to remember her when when she was still here.
Sidenote:
She passed a day before Copperstate 2 years ago. I wasn't going to go, but my dad said she would be pissed if I didn't. Because she knew I wanted to go. So I dedicated my crawling that day to her.

[ScaleReady]

Being my first time ever doing this type of thing, I was insanely nervous. By nature, I always feel bad showing my emotions about things like this. I know that he was someone's son and brother, and that they had lost much more than I did. When I start losing it, I think of them, and how they must feel. I cannot even begin to grasp how much it kills his mom every day. She witnessed the officer shoot him dead.

I did not want to live with the regret of not seeing him one more time, when I had the chance. Not many people get that chance. Dead or alive, it is still him, and it brought comfort to me, being able to nudge him and telll him I loved him. See ya on the other side buddy. RIP Keith Miles

[HyperMark]

I went to the viewing of a good friend of mine.
He was crushed up to his ribcage under a heavy road work machine.
He was driving it when it started to slip off the embankment and roll, he tried to jump clear and didn't make it.
I'm very glad I did go to the viewing because it gave me a chance to say goodbye to him.
Miss you Cookie.

[Benzbuildr]

Viewing a friend or family member is tough. Viewing your wife that you have been married to for years is real tough.

[axman2010]

I personally dont ever want to go to a viewing. Ive lost all my grandparents as well as my dad. All were cremations.

When my grandma (moms mom) passed away it was my moms choice to pull the plug. She suffered lung tissue damage from a certain medicine she took for 10 years for arthritis. They knew it was a symptom but never checked her lungs for it. Well years later it got to her. One day randomly she had a hard time breathing and within a few days she was in the hospital for a week. Got on air support and in a permanent wheelchair. Within just 3 weeks she went from being active daily, working 6 days a week, taking care of me and my sisters, to being bed/wheelchair bound basically struggling for her life. 5 short months later she was gone. Once we decided to pull the plug they let us in the room to say goodbye to her. They were taking out all the air and chest tubes still. I watched her gasping for breath, watched her die, literally (bad timing by the nurse? idk) and thats the last image I have of her. Its terrible. Ya sure I have the other memories but that image of her gasping for air remains in my head forever. For that reason I dont care to go to a viewing ever.

And I seen that story of your friend on the news the day it happened and I agree, its complete bullshit. So uncalled for. Im sorry for your loss man :(

[EeePee]

Originally Posted by 4xFord

While it may or may not help give you closure, my opinion is that it is not for you, and not for the deceased. It is for a show of support for the deceased's family. Think of them, think of how much it means to see that their family member had so many people that cared for them enough to come to a viewing and pay their respects. It is a great source of comfort to see that your loved one had an impact on that many other people's lives.

This is exactly why I go. It took me my second one to get it, but I get it now. I've been to like six of them. Always weird, but you do it.

[Cordwood]

A close friend of mine lost his 3 month old baby girl to a heart condition. She'd had a hard life of multiple surgeries, but was looking to be on the up and up. She left this world unexpectedly in a dramatic ambulance ride to the hospital after her little heart couldnt handle the stress of being upset.

Instinct tells you to avoid the viewing. I didn't want to go. The emotion in that room is something words could never describe. It was 8 years ago and I will never, ever, forget standing there looking at her lifeless body, with tears flowing at a steady stream. When I hugged her parents, my friends, I knew right then by how tightly they squeezed me, that I had done the right thing. They needed that support and friends/family to share the emotion with. This image burned into my memory can never compare to what they are living with.

Hardest emotional thing I've ever done in my 35 years. You did the right thing ScaleReady. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Duuuuuuuude]

I've been to several. Seeing them was never really an emotional thing for me. Weird? Yes.

[Armistice]

I don't know for me. I've never been to a funeral with a viewing

Maybe it'd be shear morbid curiosity to see the person, but at the same time, like stated, I don't think I'd want that image to be in my mind at all. Sure you can imagine all the good times and whatnot, but that image of them in the casket would always be there as well

EDIT: I'd go to the service, but I wouldn't go up to see the person... just for clarification after reading what EeePee quoted Cordwood