You wanna hear about some F***** up stuff?

[JavelinSST390]

Okay, first, read my post here:
GIVE AWAY "What the Heck"

So, now that you know I live with my folks, (or they live with us, hopwever you want to look at it.) my mom is a smoker, (so am, so is my wife, and so is my dad, but that's besides the point)

We've been trying to make mom smoke outside since the baby was born. Obviously for reasons of sids, and all the other stuff that smoking around a newborn can cause.

Everything was fine while the weather was nice, but once it got cold, that wouldn't work anymore. We told her that if she wanted to smoke, we could wheel her outside and take her back in to warm up when she was ready. Well, she gave us hell about it and started trying to sneak her cigarettes inside so she could smoke in their bedroom. Even though we told her not to. She managed to get some snuck in and lit one in the house three times in one week. We had counselors come from the hospice place that sends a nurse out to check on her once a week. She wouldn;t have any of it. She said she was going to smoke and no one was going to stop her.


We had warned her that if she was going to do that then we would pack our stuff and move out, and they could have the house until mom was gone, and mom could figure out who was going to take care of her.

Well, today she did it again. And my wife had had enough of it. She called me at work right before I left for my lunch break to tell me that she was packing our stuff and the kid's stuff and we were going to stay with her folks for a while.

So, she gets the stuff packed, calls her mom, and we go over there, and then HER folks start in on me, and tell me that my wife and kids can stay there but I CAN'T until I find a new job.

I've been working at the family business for three years trying to keep it from going under. Without me, there's no one to run this place. They'll have to close it up.


But they basically called me a deadbeat loser because I'm trying to take care of my mom and dad and grandmother.


OH, it gets better! So I say, well, then, I guess I'll go look for an apartment for us, so we can all be together, at least.

And here's where it gets REALLY good.

The response I get is "Our daughter and grandkids aren't leaving this house until you can take care of them. Go get a real job, and then they can go with you."

Oh, and did I mention that my past proffession of being an auto technician isn't a REAL job?

What? Excuse me? that's MY wife and MY kids. Just who the HELL do you think you are?

Now, my kids have NEVER gone without anything. They have more clothes, toys, and stuff than we even have ROOM for! And my in-laws act like they're starving to death!

So now, I'm sitting at home, my wife and kids are five miles away, and with the job market around here, it could be MONTHS before I find a job! Let alone a DECENT job!

Sorry guys, I know this isn't relevant to anything, but I just had to vent. Right now I'm so mad I could eat a car and spit nails.

I so want to kick my father-in-law's a$$ right now. Except that he's 6' 7", 275lbs, and an ex MARINE. I'm about 6'2", 175 lbs, and I think I could hit him as hard as I could and I don't think I'd even knock him over.

Then he would hit me once and kill me.

[slobin3d]

if you live with parents or they live with you they will always be parents and not room mates, they will always feel in control no mater who owns what or who's married to who. the best thing to do is leave, and set up some sort of in home nursing, I believe there is funding assistance if neither you or they can afford it and make you're life you're own. It sounds like no matter what you do they will never truly appreciate it so don't expect anything. Do still visit with them and keep up contact or that will a kind of strain no one wants on you're personal life.

Its a sad state for sure but some times leaving them to their selves is the best thing no matter how wrong it feels. It's not you're job to keep their business alive If you can do it someone else can too. Its not you're job to keep them happy You have you're own wife and kids to worry about you don't need 2 more

[Shaun]

That sucks.

I've herd of some GM auto techs pulling 6 figures a year.

[Usmc8541]

Good idea about not hitting a Marine, we won't take it.
On the other hand we can be your best friend.
I truely hope everything works out for you, I hope your family comes together, stronger, through this.

[DKNguyen]

THat sucks hard. STicking their noses where it doesn't belong.

[Mnster]

Who decided they get to play "god".

Does your wife agree with you?

Nasty situation reguardless.

[JIA's Dad]

Excuse me but I think that if you were willing to get an apartment for your wife and kid and the wife stayed with her parents. Man you need a new wife cause she chose her folks rather than to go with you. My point is, Either you really are a do nothing moocher in your wifes eyes and she is trying to make a point or she is spoilt by her parents and still under their control. Either way she definatly is not on your side in this fight if you are setting five miles from your wife and kid. Seems you need to look at the true problem, which is what does your wife truly think of you. IMO

GOOD LUCK!!!! You may also want to seek some counseling cause it also seems you don't love you mother like you should, saying you would stay away til she was gone. Remember if it wasn't for her you would not be here. Always respect your elders and parents especially. Sorry not trying to bust your balls just making a point from a different view. Good LUCK!!! Hope it works out.

[A.R.C.]

You gotta man-up and do what needs to be done. Sell your Javelin (a car like that will get a high dollar pretty quick) and hotrod pickup, appreciate the fact your Wife saved for 3 months so you could get a Wheely King instead of whining that it sucks for crawling
("Tell me what you would like to win and why:
I'd like a trail beater chassis, since I can't afford one, and because the stock Wheely King chassis is a complete piece of for crawling.") , go get a job that pays money then kick that giant jarhead in the junk and tell him not to ever get between you and your family again or the next one will be worse, then grab your wife by the hair and drag her back to your own dam cave.

Its admirable that your making such a sacrifice for your folks but you have your own Family now, they gotta come first.

[joemomma95]

Your married with kids. I'm assuming your old enough to take care of them, and you obviously have been. Don't let anyone tell you how to run your life. Man up and go get your wife and kids, tell the in-laws to butt out and enjoy your family. That is unless your wife agrees with her parents....then your screwed, everyone knows the wife is the boss...

[JavelinSST390]

Nah, my wife's on my side, she's fought with 'em tooth and nail over it. ya gotta understand, her folks are a bit "different". Her dad's kinda hard to stand up to, ya know? He's the kind of guy that "you're going to do what I say, or else I'm going to MAKE you do it."

And as far as how I treat my mom. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, and it hurts me daily that she feels this way, and does these things. We've tried to control her smoking. Even my dad has tried, not only for the sake of the baby but for her (her smoking is what's killing her!) But every time we try to get in the way of her smoking, we get called every single thing you can imagine. My mother has said things to me I wouldn't say to my worst enemy. And all over her cigarettes. We've tried just taking them away from her, but then world war three starts.

I really don't know what else to do about it. We've tried having a counsellor come in and try to talk to her, and the rest of us, but it does no good. Mom's not stupid. She tells the counselor what she wants to hear, that "I'll try harder to do what they ask of me."

And then it all starts all over again. I really don't want to go into details here, it would take too long, suffice to say that it's like some kind of never-ending nightmare.

Mom has gotten to the point she's delerious. She really doesn't know WHAT she's saying, but it always manages to come out just fine. And she knows how to make the wounds deep. REAL deep.

And if her smokes are in front of her, she'll go ahead and light one up, not really knowing where she is, or even that she's got a cigarette burning.
(more than once she's went to light a fresh cigarette with one half-smoked still burning in her fingers.)


I don't WANT to do this. She's left us with no choice, because she can't (or won't ) stop smoking in the house. The counsellor and the other gal that comes from the hospice told us flat out that there's no way we'll ever get her to actually QUIT smoking. And if we try to just keep them away from herwhen she's inside, then I'm a little bastard and I'm not her son anymore and my wife is a dirty whore and my dad hates her and all this other stuff.

And we just can't take anymore of this.

She's got my DAD ready to leave her, after 40 years of happy marriage.(he gets just as much crap as we do, and he agrees with us 100%.)

She already has in-home hospice care. But they only come for about an hour a day, so they're not much help. And we would get them to come more often, but mom has made it clear that she doesn't want them around. I read once in their little book that they log their visits in that she's "quite hostile".

That's the understatment of the century.

Calling my mom "quite hostile" is like calling a Black Mamba snake "quite venomous." (A black mamba is the most deadly snake in the world, the venom will kill you within minutes, for those that don't know.)

When she wants to, my mom can make anyone within a 50-foot radius wish they were never born. People, including me, used to live in FEAR of crossing paths with this woman. people used to call her "the Dragon lady", because when she was screaming obscenities and derogatory phrases at you it seemed like you were being burned alive. this woman could quite litterally nearly beat a person to death, not with her fists, but with her words.

And even though she can't remember what she said, or you said, or what happened, from one minute to the next, she still has that razor-sharp ability to make you feel VERY small the INSTANT you do anything to aggrivate her.

And when I said "stay way until she's gone"... You gotta understand. I don't mean I never want to see her again. It's just that me, my wife, and my two daughters can't live here if she insists on smoking in the house.
It's that simple. I still love my mom, I'm just really upset that she can't seem to (or doesn't want to, We're really not sure) respect our wishes for our children.

And so she's driven me, my wife, and our kids, out of OUR house. My name is on everything, this is MY house, and I'm willing to sign the whole thing over to her so they can have a place to live until mom passes away (She doesn't have too much longer, or so we've been told by her doctors.)

Then we'll move back in, and dad can stay as long as he likes. (though I doubt he will, he'll probably go live with his brothers in Wyoming or Colorado. He's always wanted to be back out there, not here.)

believe me, it's not as cut-and-dried as it seems. It's this horrible, convoluted mess, with no easy way out and no way to make a winning situation for ANYONE. It's FUBAR. And Now, on top of it, my wife and kids are basically being held HOSTAGE by her folks, until I become, I dunno, whatever the heck it is they want me to be, I guess.

[SIRMAXXALOT]

You have a very touchy situation, you can't make your wife choose between her parents or you but you can't live like this either, I don't blame you at all for not wanting to live with your children in the house of a smoker(smoking in the house that is) and I see people have misunderstood that you are not breaking contact with your parents just living arrangments til it is safe for your children. My wife started smoking again and she is not allowed near our baby when smoking and is understanding and good about it. I think your in-laws are over reacting to say the least but you need to maybe sit down with your wife and make sure she is on the same page as you and make her sit her parents down and tell them how it is (she has much more control and understanding of them). A confrentation with her father will just worsten the situation now and probably for ever after the fact regardless if he is a Marine or not you need to keep that channel open because they are a part of your and your families life like it or not I would have to say unfortunatly-I guess he is just trying (no matter how efffed up it is) to look out for his baby girl as you are for your children. I personally don't think he is in the right but that is just from what I have read, basically I or no one else can tell you how to handle this because we are just a channel of support for you. Your parents well intentioned or not need to pay you what you deserve or find someone that can survive on what they are paying, you are looking out for your family now and have to do what you have to do for you not them I think at this point. I am so sorry to hear of this situation and I know you said if you had to you would sell your car but people can't/shouldn't tell you thats the first thing you should do because that will only be a temporary cushion and a long term sore spot, the project truck is much easier to let go of I am sure and maybe look to that to sell as I am a gearhead myself and know you will never replace that Javelin and that should be a last resort but if need be could be sold but the truck looks like it needs to have more money sunk into it and it might be best to get out while the you need the money instead of sinking it into it.

I hope in some way I have helped you and if not I at least feel for you and hope the best in your ordeal.

Good luck and please look to your wife for what she thinks, that is the bottom line I guess if she feels the way her parents most all my ranting here does you no good, but if she says she will stand by you through this it will benefit you all.

[crawls2thewalls]

man, i'm sorry to hear of your f-ed up situation..

you sound like a cool and level headed guy, stay strong bud and you'll get what you truly deserve in the end..

[SIRMAXXALOT]

I took to long to type I guess--lol you covered some of the topics already.

[JIA's Dad]

I feel for you and the situtation your in. I lost my mom 3 years ago and I had to pay some one to look after her. But I must say I think there is a problem with the wife. If she truly wanted to be with you and wasn't agreeing with her parents. She would be with you. Her dad could not keep her and the kids there if she really wanted to leave. The cops would not allow her to be held against her will. One call would get her out. Problem is she hasn't stood up and fought/spoke up for you against them. Seems she loves them more then she does you. Hence your biggest problem is the wife and not your mom. IMO.

[CCFBERG]

Ya dont hit the Marine!!! They hit eachother for fun! I know this cause I party with the from time to time when Im over seas. Its a good time and ya they can be your best friend but they also see red faster than a Bull!!! As for the rest of this shit!.........****em I say ****em all! But Im a hard ass! and thats how I deal with family shit!

Ohh and uhhhhh why in the shit is your wife letting this happen?? Helllllll NO! Your wife, your kidds, your life!!! Take that shit back!!! Your wife needs to grow a pair and tell dad to eat a big bag "O" shit and to go ****em self! Or maybe you need to!

My wifes family and my family learned not to screw with me early on! Once you set the stage its easier to keep it that way than it is to back up and try to fix things the way you want them!

I may be in the Air Force and most think we are pussies but this Sgt takes no shit off anyone, and I live things pretty peacefully because of that. Also even though my wife thinks Im a hard ass at times, she also tells me she is glad that I am and that she respects me more than she would if I was a push over!

Try it out you may find something new within yourself, something you didnt know you had in you! Your family will be better off and respect you more if you stand your ground like a Marrine would! Trust me!

There is also a time and point were your families lives (mom, dad, ect ect) are so jacked that its bringing you down with them. You have to be able to tell when its time to sink or swim man! I think you know its time to swim cause they are only dragging you down! Cut bait and run! pick yourself up and then take care of them keeping your distance at the same time so it doesnt happen again!

How old are you? If you need a job that bad why not try the millitary??? Or maybe even the AF Gaurd or Reserve, Hell the Coast Gaurd is a killer gig also! But .............its all what you want!

Hope things work out for ya!!

Take care!

PS. Sorry if I am way off base here but this is just my advice from what I read. If Im wrong disregaurd! If Im right though......think it out for a week or so

[binaryterror]

What's this I can't stand up to him crap? Be a man, they are your kids and wife. If he has to punch you for being a man, he's not much of a good person, let your wife see it.

I agree, if you have toys and hotrod cars, time to sell them and fund LIFE. Life will be better than a stupid car or toy RC.

[TOYUTAH]

So sorry to hear this man, no one likes situations like this. But I agree with jias dad, I think there's no one better to put her parents in check than their own daughter, you yelling at them may only make things worse and even make her take their side more. You need to ask her who she really wants to spend her life with, just be careful not to make her "choose" between you and her parents, she needs to know that she can have both but you need to work some stuff out. Ask her what she needs from you to make her come with you. A lot of times its something pretty simple. As for the parents.... I say join the marines! haha no I say dump their business and try to find yourself a good job, even tho auto techs make decent money all people see is the grease monkey part. Sounds to me like she was their princess and neither of them have accepted that they're grown up now and need to have their own lives, her parents obviously don't respect that and SHE needs to make them respect that. I hope I never offended you man, just givin you my oppinion, good luck!

[freetimecrawler]

Ok, I should probably just not say anything here, but...... I'm in a crappy mood myself this morning, and need to vent also.

First off, I'm sure there must be more to this story then the smoking issue? I sense some underlying problems here, besides the smoking issue, or the difficulty of living with handicapped/sick parents.
I don't believe in smoking around those that don't like it, but... this second hand smoke crap is just that. Do you, or any of you reading this, actually know anyone thats died or become sick from second hand smoke? People have been around second hand smoke for well over 100 years. It wasn't until the anti smoking zealots started in, that "second hand smoke kills" was discovered.
Personally I don't know anyone thats become sick or died from second hand smoke, and I highly doubt you do either. I think peoples work environments and the general environment have killed, made more people sick then second hand smoke.
That being said, you have every right to ask someone not to smoke around your children, when you're in your own home, or not in a public place. however, I would assume you knew your folks smoked when you agreed to "buy a house together"
I went through something similar with my grandmother before she died.
But my thoughts were, I know smoking is a powerful addiction, and I wasn't going to make my grandmothers last days/weeks/months miserable for her by asking her to give up something that made her happy, she was on the way out anyway, continuing to smoke was going to cause no damage to her health, and in fact, I was told by the doctors, (at Mayo Clinic) that trying to make her quit, would cause too much stress and probably have a negative affect on her health, more so then letting her continue to smoke.
If your mother is in her room smoking? I would think the second hand smoke that would escape from her room, providing the door is closed, would be minimal. (And would probably be less harmful then the pop and sweets I saw in One of your pic's)
I would be more worried about her starting a fire. I'd keep a working smoke detector in her room, and a fire extinguisher handy, and let her puff away until her hearts content, and let her be happy for her short time left.

Secondly, not trying to be a dick here, but..... If you're only making $150 a week, because thats all they can afford to pay you? I'd let the business go. It doesn't sound to me like a very viable business if they can't afford to pay you a decent living anyway. Now days, it takes more like making $150 a day to support a family. You need to let go of that business and get a decent job.

I don't like to breathe auto exhaust either, but when walking down a busy street I have no choice. Take 10 non smokers and put them in a garage with 10 smokers, smoking. Those 10 non smokers may cough, and maybe even get a little dizzy, but it's doubtful they'll become sick, or die. Percentage wise, they have a much better chance of dying in a car wreck, or almost any other thing then second hand smoke. Take those same 10 non smokers, and put them in a garage with a car running, and see what happens.

Personally, I'm sick to death of the anti smoking zealots, and being made to feel like an outlaw for using a legal substance. Remember, there are many legal substances that can, and do kill others, liquor comes first to my mind, but there are others.
I've thought about quitting, but the more people want to shove this anti smoking crap down my throat, the more it makes me want to blow my "second hand smoke" right in their face.
This country has gone to hell in a hand basket in the last 30 years of liberalism. 30 years after the "cultural revolution" of the 60's, we now have a 600% increase in violent crime, a 500% increase in illegitimacy, a 6000% increase in illegal drug use, and a 2300% increase in child abuse, just to name a few things. Times are truly sad when your 16 year old daughter can go get an abortion without her parents consent, but she needs a note from her parents to get her ears pierced.
In Minnesota, the leading cause of death among children is abortion, NOT second hand smoke. Too bad some of these anti smoking zealots don't jump on the anti abortion bandwagon.

I'm finished with my response rant.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck with it. Just remember cars are just material items. I would sell them in a heart beat for the betterment of my family.

Again, best of luck to you and your family in this difficult situation.

[Usmc8541]

Originally Posted by CCFBERG

Ya dont hit the Marine!!! They hit eachother for fun! Ya they can be your best friend but they also see red faster than a Bull!!!

Yes we do!!! We fight and draw blood for fun too!!!

Just a suggestion, why don't you ask your Father-in-law to help talk sense into her?

[Double J]

Hmmmm.. Thinking for a minute.....

1st you need to take two steps back and knock the shit out of your father in law. Let the fists fly till it's broke up or it ends. 2 things could happen. 1. he will respect you more for standing up for yourself and not backing down from a fight (most likely in my eyes and experiance). 2. he'll hate you more, but will know you will stand up for your family no matter what the cost. And if you get your aS$ beat down it will only hurt for a little bit, your wife will also get some satifaction out.
I don't care how big a person is or what military affiliation they come from they are human simple as that. I've knocked out my fair share of Mariens, Airforce, Army and Navy guys in my time. Hardest fight I was ever in was a 5'5" guy that was about 130 lbs, hit hard and bit like a dog and was fast as hell.


next thing is since you are running the insurance biz for your folks and they are only giving you a $150 a month, you need to get the books and see what's really going on there. I have friends in the insurance biz that are making a killing. If you don't have enought customers then I think you need to find somemore or close it down. You should get a percentage of what you take in. I'd take freetimecrawlers advice or at lest talk to him about the biz your in. From what I've seen/heard he's been successfull in life, but can't say for sure as I don't know him personally..


If you have stuff you don't need sell it get your own place and let your moms medicare assist her or get her put in a home. I know I wouldn't want to do it but sometimes it has to be done.