| A.R.C. | 01-07-2008 03:39 PM |
I love Whale Tails and would never even think of hurting one...but everyone has their limit. One day I went to my favorite beach to do a little Whale Tail watching. They were everywhere, it was a great day, one of the best in a very long time. Whale tales of every shape size and color were there and all getting along very well. Some where splashing in the Water, some bouncing around in the Sand by the Volleyball nets, and some were just lying still basking in the Sun. I even saw a couple of Whale Tails cuddled together.......Nirvana it was!!
So I`m lying there in my glory, having perhaps what could have been considered one of the best days of my life when down at the far end of the Beach I spotted a new Whale Tail. It was quite far away so I needed to use my Binoculars to properly identify it. As I focused in I caught a glimpse of the most horrific thing I had ever seen in my life. I had heard of it in tales from old Tail Hunters but always listened with a grain of salt, thinking that it was just an old hunters yarn conjured up to weed out the true up and coming tail hunters from the wannabes. There to my disgust was a Male Whale Tail!! I couldnt believe my eyes! Right in the middle of my wonderful beach of tails was this horrific abomination of nature! Like a scene come to life out of "The Island of Dr Moreau" this freak of Nature was out in the open for all to see. My eyes burned and my blood ran cold. Lying there as if it had a place in this world where it was welcome and loved just as the Females are, this putrid creation had to die and I was the choosen one.
Luckily I only lived a short drive away from the Beach so I gathered up my gear (luckily I pack light. Binocs, a box of Kleenex and some "Suntan Lotion" are all my gear consists of so I was on my way in seconds). Arriving back at the Beach within minutes I was fully armed and and ready to make my mark in the world by destroying this disgusting creature that lie there littering the countryside with the horrid site of its "Tail" high in the air. It was one of those defining moments in life really, you`ve heard other people talk of them, thinking you knew what they meant but deep inside wondering if it would ever happen to you. Right now at this very moment I knew why I was put on this Earth. My life now had purpose and everything was clearer than it had ever been. Anything I had ever read had said that the Male Whale Tail was incredibly dumb and easily fooled. Using this knowledge made it quite easy to come up with a quick plan on how I would destroy my foe.
It was hard to see her go, but knowing that my blow up doll would be destroyed in order to make the world a better place made some of the pain go a little lighter. With Dolly fully inflated, my Walkie Talkie and the last bit of Plastic Explosive I had strategically hidden within her I gingerly approached the beast. I quickly walked by dropping Dolly within 10 feet of it and never looked back as I headed for the Water, reeling out the lightweight, practically invisible fishing line I had attached to her. " Hey baby, want to go frolic in that wet warm water with me?" I said through the Walkie Talkie in my best female imitation. It worked better than I expected and immediatly he sprung to life and bounded over to Dolly. Quickly I pulled on the line as if getting a kite to take off and Dolly came to life skipping across the sand towards the water with big dummy hot on her tracks. "Come on in big boy, your gonna love it!. Its soooo warm", I almost vomited having to say those words but knew it had to be done. As soon as they were waist deep I dropped the line and headed for solid ground and cover. Getting closer Whaleboy began sniffing the air with suspicion. Not wanting to loose my prey I had prepared a secret weapon that no man, not even one such as this could resist. Pulling on the last link I had to my ever loving Dolly I raised her hand to show whale ass 2 ice cold Coronas which I had Duct taped to her earlier. "Why dont you come come keep a girl warm while she has a nice cold Beer with you".....words no man can resist. As he reached for the Beer I pulled her hand away ( no way in hell was this thing gonna actually get to drink my Beer. I`d gladly destroy it being he gets a taste), "not so fast Tiger. First lets go to deeper water where we can have a little more privacy. Take me deeper bigboy". Once they reached deeper water I knew this was the moment. "Take me under you big Whale, show me how deep you can go". As they submerged I said a quiet goodbye to my Dolly and pulled the trigger on the remote.
BOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!
The water erupted with the force that only 10 pounds of explosive could do ( I wanted to make sure this thing died violently). A mix of Water, Latex, charred Whale flesh and man Thong (a little puke in my mouth) flew threw the air landing safely in the surrounding water without disturbing any of the other Whale Tails which frolicked nearby unaware as to what has just happened, and all felt right in the World again. Turning around to head back up the beach to home a loud cheer from the appreciative group of Whale Watchers split the air. Little did I know that they were watching me the entire time with as much disgust for the abomination I just destroyed as I had. Walking through the crowd, feeling the pats on the back, the high fives, the words of appreciation made me feel like a King. I had found my destiny.
I have been a lover of Whale Tail my entire life and as I said in the beginning I would never think of hurting one. But sometimes in his life a man has to take a stand and do whats right.
Sometimes its allright to kill a Whale. | 