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06-06-2008, 02:30 PM
| #1 |
| I wanna be Dave   Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Looking for the Eye
Posts: 2,489
|  Mayhem Eng. One Liner Contest Here is whats up for grabs a set of delrin 2.2 comp. wheels with black rings engraved with "Mayhem Eng." on them. You have to be a star member to be in this contest. Here is what I would like to see.......Your best one liner. or joke You can post as many times as you like...... The one that makes us here a Mayhem Eng. laugh the hardest. We will rate them from 1-10 ten being the funniest. Contest ends June 30th Please follow the fourms rules concerning language. Lets not make anyone mad. Thanks Mayhem Eng. Last edited by Mayhem Eng.; 06-06-2008 at 03:53 PM. |
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06-06-2008, 03:16 PM
| #2 |
| Rock Crawler  Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Safety Harbor
Posts: 597
| Pick up line heard at a gay bar.............Mind if I push in your stool? |
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06-06-2008, 03:21 PM
| #3 |
| Giveaway Kang!!!  Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Arat Alabama
Posts: 1,706
| Confucious Say:(In an oriental accent)" Panty not best thing in world but next to it"  .He also said: "Better to sleep with old hen than pullet" The dirtiest thing ever said on public T.V.- June Cleaver: Ward, I think you were a little rough on the Beaver last night. Last edited by TEDROCKZ; 06-06-2008 at 03:39 PM. |
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06-06-2008, 03:26 PM
| #4 |
| Throwing Grenades   Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Sending illegals home one Hayabusa at a time.
Posts: 16,256
| A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. |
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06-06-2008, 03:33 PM
| #5 |
| Pebble Pounder Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Kalamazoo
Posts: 118
| Although there are No stupid questions, there sure are a lot of inquisitive IDIOTS. |
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06-06-2008, 03:33 PM
| #6 |
| Losi Factory Pilot   Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Chucking rocks at your little truck!
Posts: 1,276
| Q: How do you turn a fox into an elephant? A: You marry her.  |
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06-06-2008, 03:47 PM
| #7 |
| Moving on!!  Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 960
| Q. What is the first sign of AIDS? A. Pounding sensation in your ARSE!! |
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06-06-2008, 04:00 PM
| #8 |
| .  Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Rock chucking territory
Posts: 9,513
| Not one line, but oh well!! Don't even fawking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat. I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fawk. The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fawking tell you... Except in tiny print you cant read without a fawking electron microscope ...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible A$$ Grease." Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding. So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow. Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes $hitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the Fawk?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then? So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You Fawking Pringle bastards. I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff. The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fawking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So. I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean. That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fawking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work. You fawking Pringle bastards. The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fawking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that $hit again. Fawking Pringle bastards. This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fawk Pringles. |
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06-06-2008, 04:05 PM
| #9 |
| Quarry Creeper Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Dahlonega
Posts: 220
| Heres one, For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. |
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06-06-2008, 04:09 PM
| #10 |
| Quarry Creeper Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Del mar
Posts: 423
| I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest. Last edited by Usmc8541; 06-07-2008 at 02:06 PM. |
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06-06-2008, 04:28 PM
| #11 |
| RCC Addict Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Nor Cal
Posts: 1,137
| Little Susie is telling Mom that she wants a little sibling over and over so mom said ok we'll see. One day at the dinner table Mom asks day if they could have another baby and that Little susie wants a sibling to play with. Of course dad said we'll jump right on it after dinner, which little susie overheard and little susie says uuuuuuh can I help. |
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06-06-2008, 04:44 PM
| #12 |
| RCC Addict Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Central California
Posts: 1,881
| If it's called tourist season why can't we shoot at them? or The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where the bad girls live |
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06-06-2008, 04:57 PM
| #13 |
| ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ   Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: *
Posts: 1,622
| A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the eldest daughter. He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the second daughter. He finally asked his youngest daughter whom she would like to marry. "I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the youngest daughter. |
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06-06-2008, 05:02 PM
| #14 |
| ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: *
Posts: 1,622
| Ok, one more... An Italian guy, a Jewish guy, and a Polish guy are talking about their daughters. The Italian guy says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a pack of cigarettes. And I didn't even know she smoked." The Jewish guy says, "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a full bottle of Vodka. And I didn't even know she drank." The Polish guy says, "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a box of condoms. And I didn't even know she had a penis." |
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06-06-2008, 05:17 PM
| #15 |
| Pebble Pounder Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: The state of 'Missery'
Posts: 183
| Mayhem Eng....Bigger than gold teeth! |
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06-06-2008, 05:22 PM
| #16 |
| Quarry Creeper  Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Oregon
Posts: 461
| Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never F*'s Up! |
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06-06-2008, 05:33 PM
| #17 |
| Quarry Creeper  Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Racine
Posts: 492
| Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. |
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06-06-2008, 07:02 PM
| #18 |
| Rock Crawler Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: University City
Posts: 634
| one of my friends and i were taking about doing physical exams on cows...(4th year vet students)... "i wanna know who looked at the a$$ end of a cow and said 'i wanna go deeper'" |
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06-06-2008, 07:07 PM
| #19 |
| RCC Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: RAMBLIN
Posts: 1,714
| What Does The Redneck Girl Say After Her First Time Having Sex? Get Off Me Dad Your Crushing My Smokes!! |
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06-06-2008, 07:08 PM
| #20 |
| RCC Addict Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: RAMBLIN
Posts: 1,714
| Whats The Difference Between A Blonde And A Mosquito? Mosquitos Stop Sucking When You Slap Them!!!! |
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