From one parent to another

[GREEDY GENIUS]

Hey guys.

I have a serious problem going on in my sons life and i'm starting to get very nervous!

To make a long story short,me and his mother had seperated 4yrs ago do to some personal reasons and we were together for like 10yrs,engaged with the house,white fence,dogs etc...

He did take the seperation very badly and i know that in divorces the kids tend to blame themselves.well as the yrs went by,he has gotten alot better and to be honest he was at his best the last 2 yrs but as of the last few weeks i've been noticing a very bad change in him?its to the point that he has told his mom he wishes he was in heaven!?..

I have been seeing him looking very depressed to the point he cries out of no where?as of lately i have been staying with him in his room at his house during the week then we go to my place on the weekends.but i notice that while he's at my place he looks so happy and himself but when we get at his house,he looks so sad and depressed?when i try to go home to my place during the week,he calls me in balling tears that he misses me and is sad

Lately he hasn't been sleeping at all and he wont go to sleep unless i am there with him in his bed..this sounds a little wierd cuz he is 11yrs old.

Just today we were eating dinner and tears start to roll down his face:shock:I try to comfort him at this point and its no help...i try asking him to please tell me what is so bothering him and he tells me NOTHING:shock:?.i am so very nervous and scared as his father!!!

So i take him for a ride to bestbuy to just spend time and get out the house,so we grab one of the dogs and head out..everything seems fine while were out
At bestbuy but then when we come back to his house,BOOM,he looks all sad once again:shock:

So at this point i sit him down and start to tell him that is there anything wrong at school?anybody bullying you or picking on you??he starts to tell me that just today some kid on the bus told him to sing a song and if he doesn't he was going to punch him?

I told him that to never let anyone disrespect you in anyway and always taught him to never let anyone put thier hands on you!now i dont know if this could be whats causing him to be acting the way he has been??

I chose to post this thread to see if anyone here with kids have experinced such a thing??his mom thinks he needs to seek profesional help but i dont wanna go that route right now because im afraid that might open a can of worms..?no one wants thier kids to seek a phycologist at 11yrs old,that scares me!

As his father,i am very scared for him and have actually cried to myself tonite and am actually tearing up writing this!he is my world,my absolute best friend!

Thanks

Eddie

 

[jason]

his mom thinks he needs to seek profesional help but i dont wanna go that route right now because im afraid that might open a can of worms..?no one wants thier kids to seek a phycologist at 11yrs old,that scares me!

If he's talking about not wanting to be alive, a can of worms needs to be opened.

 

[Jwatts]

If he's talking about not wanting to be alive, a can of worms needs to be opened.

I agree with Jason! If he's talking like that you need to get him to talk to someone. I have a 16 year old daughter,13 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. When something is wrong with one of them and I ask they say the same thing. Nothing. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone else besides the parents. I'm not saying a shrink but you may try to get another family member to try and talk to him. Maybe he will open up to them. Keep us posted on this.

 

[GREEDY GENIUS]

If he's talking about not wanting to be alive, a can of worms needs to be opened.

Please don't take that out of content..i'm just scared to think my little boy needs help in this way but maybe it is a good idea??

 

[Goatsniper]

I too believe that it would good for him to speak to some one other than family. Sometimes its easier that way

 

[Hydro-Tank]

I went through a time like that a while back about the same age...11. What made me like that was school. And everytime my parents asked whats wrong...."nothing" when there was something. It was hard for me to open up for some reason. So my mom got me with the school counceler, and I found it easier to let most of the things out then it was at home.

 

[bmuzz1]

There is obviously something going on either at home when your not there or at school. Not sure if there has been another man around but that could trigger some of this and the little bastards at School can make life a living hell for a kid.

Like jason said, if he is talking about going to heaven then the can of worms needs opening and now. It's not a bad thing to talk to someone.

Good luck with your Son.

Brian

 

[chicklet]

Like jwatts said...most of the times it's easier for a child to talk to someone other than their parents. It sounds like he has a lot on his mind. He obviously loves you and feels safe when he is with you. BUT someone needs to figure out what's going on in his heart. His school should have a counselor. Maybe you could schedule a time for him to sit down with him/her to talk or a family member that he feels close to?

 

[nascarkeith]

First of all, you being there for him is what he really needs. Good job on that."thumbsup". Second, contact the school counselor and let them know what is going on. I teach in a middle school and see stuff like this from time to time. The counselor can talk to him and see what is going on. They can work with him on coping skills for bullying and whatever is bothering him. If need be they can get you in for a meeting or refer you to a psychologist if they think he needs it. Good luck, bud!

 

[CmdrZod]

My older boy (12) just did this when he came over this last weekend. When I asked him what was wrong he proceed to tell me about a boy in his class has been bulling him for the last few months. Which kind of surprised me cause I knew that something had happened with him and this other kid but I was told by his mother that the principle was told and had taken care of the situation. But the kid had started bulling again and my son started to explain a little more about what was going on. It sucks cause I want to go over to that kids father and teach HIM a lesson but I know that I really can't get that invovled... Not yet at least!....

But I do know what you are going though and I do think that even if it isn't you or his mother that he talks to, he really should talk to someone. I.E. Teacher, councilor, religious leader, anybody just so that he can get that weight off of his chest and you and his mother can start to make him feel more comfortable! "thumbsup"

Good luck!

 

[Skeeno]

Definitely get him to talk to a couselor. The part about him not wanting to go back to his other house makes me wonder what is going on over there. He needs to get the issue out to someone. Makes me nervous about some kind of abuse, hopefully not sexual molestation.

Hate to bring that up, but after the Penn State case....

 

[GREEDY GENIUS]

Definitely get him to talk to a couselor. The part about him not wanting to go back to his other house makes me wonder what is going on over there. He needs to get the issue out to someone. Makes me nervous about some kind of abuse, hopefully not sexual molestation.

Hate to bring that up, but after the Penn State case....

If thats the case,please start a get me out of jail fund raiser cuz i will be in jail for something very bad!!!

Thanks for your concern and just hope that is FAR from the issues he is having.

 

[Colby]

I'm 18, when I was 11 I went through my parents devorce due to personal reasons and I too had issues when it came to being at home versus my dads. I just couldnt get over the fact that I was never going to see my parents happy in the same room together ever, or that my parents would never be on good terms ever again. I think that is the biggest part of hurt that comes down on kids, especially at a younger age, where they really don't know much of why parents get devorced.

 

[Skeeno]

If thats the case,please start a get me out of jail fund raiser cuz i will be in jail for something very bad!!!

Thanks for your concern and just hope that is FAR from the issues he is having.

You may be in jail, but for doing something right not wrong. Any molester needs to be eraticated like a zombie.

 

[BLOODBANE]

My son does kind of the same things when its time for him to go back to his mothers house. He has some other issues, but is in counseling for them. Him being 7 and having attachment issues (my children were adopted out of foster care), makes it extremely difficult to get him to talk about a whole lot. I agree that you should get some counseling. It may be nothing, but better to be safe than sorry. I do get the I'm stupid, and nobody likes me, but that is mainly when he thinks he is in trouble.
Separate homes is tough on kids. I know some of the issues I have to deal with comes from this, and luckily the school problems really haven't started...yet. get some help, but make sure you are included in the treatment, and don't let them just give him drugs (my son just had to detox off of a bunch). Make sure you are there to stick up for him and don't be ignored by the counselors (this is what happened to me, not gonna happen any longer).

 

[minisaba]

Not sure if there has been another man around but that could trigger some of this

Brian

I think this should be addressed, psychologist are not all bad. Try finding him a good one and ask for reference. I'd try to stay away from psychiatrist, I hope your son gets better.

 

[viper6171]

If he's talking about not wanting to be alive, a can of worms needs to be opened.

agreed wholeheartedly , this is something that should be addressed ( be it from bullying , seperation , or other issues ) . it is good that you are there for him . i hope everything works out for your son and you .

 

[EddieO]

You need to call the school.......this shit is not to be tolerated. My oldest son went through the bullying stuff last year. The school intiatially was all over it, but then dumb stuff started happening.......and it started again. I was very frank with the school. Either stop the problem or I would take legal action.

The kid persisted. His parents got called in with me.......I flat out told the other dad, if his kid even spoke to mine again........I would come to his house and kick HIS ass (the dad, not the kid). The school people didn't like it, but whatever.

The other kid never spoke to my son again........and by the end of the year, he was kicked out for harassing other students.

Your son does need to see someone. It's obviously bothering him emotionally,so set him up with a professional.

Later EddieO

 

[demonoid369]

The question is be asking or trying to find out is why is it at your house and you that he's happy but not when he's at his house? That right there can show some light as to why he's acting up because if he's been doing this way before he told you about the other kid, that could just be an excuse to take the worry away from another issue, I've done that when I was younger. Having him talk to a school counselor would be a good idea but I'd still look into why it's at his house he becomes that way

 

[Highlucks]

Does mum have a boyfriend or male visitor from time to time?

For me something bad must be happening at Mum's house for him to only break down there or when heading back to there and to only sleep when you are around. From all accounts, what you described sound like he does not feel safe at his mothers house.