M715ForLife
Rock Crawler
I got this idea over on the Wasteland War forum.
Heres a joke I though Id share:
(the male author was responding to a woman who
accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that
caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him.
****,we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what
were aiming for.
Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start
spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now
is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go
into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take
perfect aim at the toilet,and his penis will still manage to piss all over
the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe.
I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained.
I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am
required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small
price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at
night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the
toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in
my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because
you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy,
I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you
ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to
pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter
how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend
you can't aim, well ****, if you can't aim you have no choice but to
piss all over the wallpaper and that **** fuzzy toilet seat cover you
women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those **** fuzzy toilet seat covers,the
friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to
use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to
control ourselves for that perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here
will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that
**** fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy
thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then
that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning
that **** toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your
weenie.
So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told
her... look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you to do
all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with
"morning wood".
Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before
I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the
wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get
it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee
shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the
top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs
down the back of our legs on to that **** matching fuzzy horseshoe rug
you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning
urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over
the toilet seat.
This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance,and split time
precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl
during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame.
We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom
cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.
It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was Father Nature,
... there wouldn't have been a problem!!!
Another good one, my favorite!:lol:
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 4
year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we
CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.......
A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a
construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The
young family's 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the
activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the
workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or
less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her
sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little
jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope
containing a check for a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home
to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested
that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next
day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the
little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building
the house next door to us."
My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the
house again this week, too?"
the little girl replied, "I will if those a$$holes at Home Depot ever
deliver the fawking sheet rock..."
Kind of brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?
Heres a joke I though Id share:
(the male author was responding to a woman who
accidentally walked into the men's restroom):
Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that
caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him.
****,we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what
were aiming for.
Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start
spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now
is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go
into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take
perfect aim at the toilet,and his penis will still manage to piss all over
the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe.
I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained.
I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am
required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small
price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at
night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the
toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in
my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because
you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy,
I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you
ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to
pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter
how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend
you can't aim, well ****, if you can't aim you have no choice but to
piss all over the wallpaper and that **** fuzzy toilet seat cover you
women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those **** fuzzy toilet seat covers,the
friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to
use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to
control ourselves for that perfect aim.
Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here
will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that
**** fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy
thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then
that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning
that **** toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your
weenie.
So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told
her... look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you to do
all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with
"morning wood".
Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before
I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the
wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get
it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee
shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the
top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs
down the back of our legs on to that **** matching fuzzy horseshoe rug
you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning
urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over
the toilet seat.
This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance,and split time
precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl
during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame.
We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom
cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.
It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was Father Nature,
... there wouldn't have been a problem!!!
Another good one, my favorite!:lol:
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 4
year old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we
CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.......
A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a
construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The
young family's 4-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the
activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the
workers.
Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or
less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her
sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little
jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope
containing a check for a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home
to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested
that they take the two dollar "pay" she had received to the bank the next
day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the
little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age.
The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building
the house next door to us."
My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the
house again this week, too?"
the little girl replied, "I will if those a$$holes at Home Depot ever
deliver the fawking sheet rock..."
Kind of brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?
