As someone who has long battled severe depression, I'm gonna give you the best advice I ever got.
Get uncomfortable.
Take a risk, something that seems impossible.
Depression can kill, and the only solution I have found that works is to find something, anything that pushes you to your limit everyday.
I understand your feelings, normal people think "hey, he's got five kids, a nice house, new cars cool toys... he's got plenty to live for"
But the truth is (and you and I may be the only to that get this) it doesn't help, it doesn't even matter. Sure, you love your kids and your wife... but really, they just don't play into the equation in your head.
Its like this ominous feeling that tracks you, follows you every where you go and in everything you do.
Trust me bro, you are not alone.
Me and my kimbers have had many long eye to eyes,
I understand what you want, your not asking for happiness, or all the best, you just want to wake up one day and feel normal, wake up and not hurt, just wake up. But you can't.
I won't say it gets better, hell meds never helped me, neither did shrinks, or anything else I tried.
The only thing that has ever worked for me is to find something that would challange me mentally and physically, something that forced me out of my nest and drove me to push harder.
Hobbies might work for you,
Me, I started my own buisness. I took everything I had, put it all on the line.
Trust me, you'll swim.
If you ever need someone to talk to, ever, just shoot the shit, or unload on. Email me. Ill give you my number and we'll talk.
Flywireless01@gmail.com