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Best movie quotes ever, EVER...

Blazing Saddles

[Gabby Johnson sees the sheriff riding into town]
Gabby Johnson: Hey! The sheriff's a nig...
[Clock bell chimes]
Harriet Johnson: What did he say?
Dr. Sam Johnson: He said the sheriff's near.
Gabby Johnson: No, gone blame it dang blammit! The sheriff is a nig...
[Clock bell chimes again]

[as the townspeople point guns at Bart, the newly arrived sheriff]
Reverend Johnson: Gentlemen, gentlemen, allow not hatred to rule the day.
[holds up his Bible]
Reverend Johnson: As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this good book and what it has to say!
[Townspeople shoot the Bible, blowing it apart]
Reverend Johnson: [to Bart] Son, you're on your own.

[Lamarr's posse rides up on Bart's diversion: a single tollbooth in the middle of the desert]
Taggart: "LePetomaine Thruway"? Now what'll that asshole think of next?
[turns to the posse]
Taggart: Has anybody got a dime?
[henchmen grumble, search their pockets]
Taggart: Somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!

Reverend Johnson: [praying] O Lord, do we have the strength to carry off this mighty task in one night? Or are we just jerking off?
Townspeople: Amen.
 
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"If I had a ****, this is where I'd tell you to suck it" Betty White, Lake Placid
 
Bull Durham: Crash Davis: Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the p@&&*, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.

Something about Mary: Charlie Jensen: Is it the frank or the beans?
Ted: I don't know, both I guess.
Warren: [from outside] Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans!
 
from Johnny Dangerously


You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I'm gonna cut off your arms. I'm gonna shove 'em up your icehole. Dirty son-a-ma-batches.
 
Step Brothers :mrgreen:

Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I´m looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes ´ Oh my god, I´ve had the old bull now I want the young calf´ and she grabs me by the weiner.

Or jay and silent bob

appears out of nowhere] Mua-ha-ha-ha! Man, what the fawk are you waiting for? She went for the set up. Reach in your pants and pull your cock out, bitch! Girls like that kinda shit.
Devil Jay 2: [appears out of nowhere] Mua-ha-ha-ha! Right about here is where the angel's supposed to show up and tell you NOT to pull your dick out, but we bitch-slapped that motherfawker and send him packing, so it's smooth sailing. Let it rip boy...
[Both devils disappear]
Angel Jay: [with a black eye, appears out of nowhere and singing] Jesus loves the little children...
[Stops singing]
Angel Jay: Oh sorry I'm late. So what's the deal here?
[looks down at Jay's erection]
Angel Jay: Oh shit! Don't tell me your thinking of whipping your dick at that fine piece of woman, are you?
[Jay nods. Angel slaps Jay with his harp]
Angel Jay: Tell you what... Look over at Silent Bob and see if he thinks that a good idea to whip your dick out.
[Jay looks at Silent Bob with a questioning look. Silent Bob shakes his head]
Angel Jay: That's it boy, put the dick down. You gotta go from the heart, yo. No little perv-bullshit's gonna work for this one. Be smooth. Be Don Juan de la Nooch. Now I gotta beat the shit out of those punch-sucker little bitches. Remember: Don't pull your dick out 'till she asks, or until she's sleeping. BOOOONG...
[disappears]
 
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some of these brought back memories :lmao:

monty python holy grail-
Arthur approaches an isolated castle guarded by soldiers ( #1 & #2 ) .....
S #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
A : We found them.
S #1: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
A : What do you mean?
S #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
A : The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
S #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
A : Not at all. They could be carried.
S #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
A: It could grip it by the husk!
S #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
A: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here.
S #1: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
A: Please!
S #1: Am I right?
A: I'm not interested!
S #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
S #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
S #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
A: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
S #1: But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
S #2: Oh, yeah...
S #1: So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway...

"whats wrong with her underwear?"
"its not in my mouth." - 40 year old virgin

"you ever listen to k billy's super sounds of the seventies?,
(walks to radio) its my personal favorite."
(adjusts the channel.)
(dances around the room to stealers wheel, then sits
on a bloke and cuts his ear off.)
"hold still, hold still u f***."
"was that as good for yo as it was for me?"
Talking into a freshly severed ear-
"hey whats going on?"
"hear that?" "hahahaha"
- reservoir dogs. one of the best films ever.
 
1.dennis hopper in true romance when he talks about cecilian heritage
2.john wayn in alamo when he talkes about the WORD republic
3. coversation between father and son in FIST OF THE NORTH STAR[animated]
"power without perception has no true value,and is there for virtually useless"
4. [SHANE] a gun is no better or worse than the man using it
 
harley, if you were shooting for shit , you wouldn't get a wiff.

" why don't you just throw that gun at them harley, maybe you'll hit something"

( harley ), what's up with you and them old boots, ( marlboro ) lay off my boot's harley.

sqeeze the triggler harley, dont yank it, like your dick, sqeeze it.

thats classic.. funniest movie ever.. harley davidson and the marlboro man.
 
"Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. Peter Sellers, 'Being There.' Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.' Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed... "
 
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