PROJECT: "Smoothie" rear bumper

[microgoat]

After four Ohio winters, my homemade roll pan has seen better days:



You can see some of the cracks. If I ever make another one I'll use more than two layers of cloth over the foam core. Lesson learned. There's some other damage from a low-speed backing incident, too. So I figured if I'm gonna run into stuff, might as well put the bumper hack on. But that leaves me with no reverse lights, since I pimped it up with Caddy bullet taillights:



Since I've got to paint it anyway, might as well have some fun with it first. Gonna add some pockets for my homemade reverse lights (from the roll pan), lose the bumper pad (since it's borked anyway) and generally smooth it out.



Step one, cut some holes. Maybe this is step two, after "buy some exhaust-pipe reducers." Wait, what?



Yes, the light pockets are really 2" ID x 3" OD exhaust pipe reducers. They'll fit in the holes like this. Gotta bug an old buddy of mine next week to do the welding.

Now, if I'm losing the bumper pad, I need to figure out a license plate light, since the factory lights mount to it. So let's grab another reducer and stick the LP light in it, and pocket that into the bumper like so:



That's the factory LP light, with the black cover popped off. It fits into the tube like so:



I'll drill a hole and stick a set screw in there so it stays put. The hole for the right-side light will be plugged.

Now is where the "smoothie" part comes in:



To cover up the slots in the top of the bumper, I cut out some sheet aluminum. I can either paint or polish this, and I'm leaning toward polished because, hey shiny! Clear coat will keep it shiny forever, or six months, whichever comes first.



There's some slots in the hitch mount, too, so I cut up the damaged pad. I'll paint this part black.

Not shown are the squared-off holes for the new license nuts (since the LP mounts to the pad that won't be there.

So this is where the project stands now. Once I con my buddy into welding it up I can get started in earnest.

Oh, and this whole mess goes on the back of my '03 Ranger. I figure you probably know what those look like already.

[chino63]

Cool project there Stu, I'll keep an eye on this to see how it turns out.

[XSRCdesign]

I better check my tank for my shielding gas eh?

[microgoat]

Either that or I load up on Taco Bell beforehand

[microgoat]

Picked up some Mother's polish today and went to work:



Still got some more to do, but I'm out of clean rags.

Did the wheels while I was at it:

[EeePee]

Originally Posted by microgoat

load up on Taco Bell

I'm in! When's the meet?

[Duuuuuuuude]

What, no styrene?



Also, I'm a forever fan of those wheels.

[XSRCdesign]

Thinking the 15th might be the day if you can wait that long?

[microgoat]

Works for me

[microgoat]

Update:

Welding pushed back til next week, so I took care of some odds and ends:



Made some new lenses, since UV rays totaled out the old ones. These are Lexan so they should hold up a little better.



That notch at the top is where the bumper pad would overlap. Since there'll be no pad, I made some filler pieces out of aluminum (steel would be better but I have aluminum). These are just backing pieces, I'll cover them up with kitty hair. You can also see the bead of silicone I laid down on the caps; this will keep the glue contained when I stick 'em on there for good. Also, gotta love pollen season

[microgoat]

Hooray welding!



Andy did a hell of a job on these. Filled up my sloppy gaps like it ain't no thang.



License-plate light came out good, too.



Seems a shame to grind them all off, but that's what I did.

Gonna skip the filler and sanding, cause you all know what that stuff looks like anyway, and skip to the money shot:



Hooray paint! Once it dries I'll clear-coat it and start assembly. As a bonus, I'm totally high right now. Kinda glad it's too windy to paint outside.



And one more.

[XSRCdesign]

You work fast

[microgoat]

I guess so I left your place around 11:30 and had it painted by 2.

It ain't what anyone would call show quality, but good enough from 10 feet. And yes, I did paint the center even though it's under the license plate.

[XSRCdesign]

I barely had my car washed and waxed in that time...

[microgoat]

You didn't think I just sat on my butt and drank whiskey all night, did ya? Okay, I did that, but I also got this done:



Mounted to the frame. Not super pleased with the gap under the tailgate; I guess the pad is thicker than I thought. The aluminum cap will take some of that away. I need to paint the rusty spare-tire carrier, too.



Chrome tape and lenses installed



License-plate light. Remember when chain-link frames were cool?



Aziz, light!

Also, the truncated pad on the step is a disaster. Sticks out like a sore dick and there's a huge gap around the back. Time for plan B.

[microgoat]

And this is Plan B:



More aluminum, this time with wrinkle-finish paint. Because any excuse to use wrinkle-finish is a good one. I'm supposed to wait 48 hours before handling it, so maybe Sunday morning.



Shiny aluminum cap installed



Easy cover-up for the rusty frame: Pull the bed mat out a few inches and let it droop. Yes, I really am that lazy.

[microgoat]

Well, that was a quick 48 hours.



Paint in the sun and this stuff dries a lot faster. So stick it on there and call it a done deal.



Overall project shot



After a wash, before it gets covered in pollen again.

[XSRCdesign]

Cool

[chino63]

Nice work Stu, looks like it will last you a few winters.

Oh yeah, in post #15, what is this "rust" word you speak of? I've never heard that term before.

[microgoat]

Dean, this will illustrate it nicely:



Rust is the process of turning vehicles into scrap via slow oxidation.