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EeePee · 08-02-2005, 05:04 PM

BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART

SYMPTOM
FAULT
ACTION

Feet cold and wet.
Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

Feet warm and wet.
Improper bladder control.
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Glass empty.
Get someone to buy you another beer

Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
You have fallen over backward.
Have yourself lashed to bar.

Mouth contains cigarette butts.
You have fallen forward.
See above.

Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

Floor blurred.
You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Get someone to buy you another beer.

Floor moving.
You are being carried out.
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Room seems unusually dark.
Bar has closed.
Confirm home address with bartender.

Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Cover mouth.

Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
You are dancing on the table.
Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Beer is crystal-clear.
It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Punch him.

Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
You have been in a fight.
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
You've wandered into the wrong party.
See if they have free beer.

Your singing sounds distorted.
The beer is too weak.
Have more beer until your voice improves.

Don't remember the words to the song.
Beer is just right.
Play air guitar.

TwistedCreations · 08-02-2005, 05:10 PM

HAHAHA

polyophio · 08-02-2005, 05:18 PM

HAHAHAHA,

thats great and mostly true

Will · 08-02-2005, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EeePee

Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
You are dancing on the table.
Fall on somebody cushy-looking. .

thats me :-P

Nova · 08-02-2005, 11:53 PM

I laughed my *** off.... that was funny stuff...

RD400 · 08-03-2005, 12:07 AM

What about:

Strange fat ugly female talking to you.

Beer goggles not working.

Need more beer.

Nova · 08-03-2005, 12:11 AM

^^^^^
Too many Beers

"Thats not where I parked my car!"

08-02-2005, 05:04 PM	#1
EeePee MODERATOR™ Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Ohio Posts: 18,928	Beer Trouble Shooting Chart BEER TROUBLESHOOTING CHART SYMPTOM FAULT ACTION Feet cold and wet. Glass being held at incorrect angle. Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Feet warm and wet. Improper bladder control. Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Glass empty. Get someone to buy you another beer Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. You have fallen over backward. Have yourself lashed to bar. Mouth contains cigarette butts. You have fallen forward. See above. Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. Floor blurred. You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Get someone to buy you another beer. Floor moving. You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar. Room seems unusually dark. Bar has closed. Confirm home address with bartender. Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. Cover mouth. Everyone looks up to you and smiles. You are dancing on the table. Fall on somebody cushy-looking. Beer is crystal-clear. It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. Punch him. Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. You have been in a fight. Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. You've wandered into the wrong party. See if they have free beer. Your singing sounds distorted. The beer is too weak. Have more beer until your voice improves. Don't remember the words to the song. Beer is just right. Play air guitar.

08-02-2005, 05:10 PM	#2
TwistedCreations Colt Python/SR9c Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: out in the shop, reloading ammo! Posts: 8,626	HAHAHA

08-02-2005, 05:18 PM	#3
polyophio Quarry Creeper Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Wheeling Posts: 279	HAHAHAHA, thats great and mostly true

08-02-2005, 11:53 PM	#5
Nova Quarry Creeper Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: S Oregon. Posts: 325	I laughed my *** off.... that was funny stuff...

08-03-2005, 12:07 AM	#6
RD400 Rock Crawler Join Date: May 2005 Location: omaha Posts: 858	What about: Strange fat ugly female talking to you. Beer goggles not working. Need more beer.

08-03-2005, 12:11 AM	#7
Nova Quarry Creeper Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: S Oregon. Posts: 325	^^^^^ Too many Beers "Thats not where I parked my car!"

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