Airplane Humor

[nascarkeith]

I found this on another forum and thought it would be something the people here on chit chat would enjoy. If its a repost I apologize.

Just a lil humor from our Aussie brothers. Nice website and club

http://wrcs.org.au/

AD ASTRA DICTUM
* When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
* It is better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
* Keep thy airspeed up, lest the earth come from below and mite thee.
* The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on fire.
* The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm and good bowel movement - the night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time
* From an old carrier sailor - Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
* The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there)
* Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
* If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter and therefore, unsafe.
* You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.
* A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)
* If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
* Basic Flying Rules -Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
* When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
* Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
* Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
* An airplane might disappoint any pilot but it'll never surprise a good one.
* "The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can barely kill you" - attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot.
* If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to!
* Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot."
* A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
* Do you remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous?
* Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
* Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
* Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
* There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron operations desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ)
* Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.