Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

[LowCrawl]

This is a pretty serious problem with me so i decide to take a risk and go public with it. this site has helped me in the past and has pulled me through this deployment. I ask only for your advice. A month before i packed up and left my home operating base in Diyala, Iraq, where i have been deployed for the past year, i was diagnosed with "moderate to severe PTSD." I thought it was crap. I was diagnosed with having PTSD when i returned from my 2nd deployment in Afghanistan back in '07. Back then it was just forgetfulness, and spacing out at weird times. This deployment it wasn't nearly as "Bad" as past ones but i think it is that dormancy that triggers my flashbacks. I knew i had it as far back as FEB when i went home on Mid-tour leave for a week. I opened the grill when my father in law was cooking and he had burned the steaks, the heat from the grill and the smell of the burning meat threw me into a pretty intense flashback. It was too real for me even now to say it wasnt. My greatest fear is that i have a flashback with my wife or other family / friends around. its embarrassing and i dont want to do it where i hurt someone, that is my greatest nightmare. As of now the Army head doctors want me on pills. they help with my sleep, but i hate the way it makes me feel during the day at work when i need my head in the game the most. where i currently stand is Im 20 hours from flying home to the states and i dont want this "condition" to get in the way of my reintegration with my family. If there is anyone out there that knows a good way to handle this your advice is greatly appreciated.

[romulus22]

I don't really know what to say except good luck man. My father was the same way as long as I can remember from being in Vietnam. He had some pretty bad nightmares and breakdowns.

Talk to doctors. Make the government pay.

[DickyT]

Ian, in the beginning the pills are probably your best bet. I fully understand you desire to not be on them, but they are recommended for a reason.

I would find a psychiatrist you are comfortable with as soon as you get back and schedule a weekly session. Explain to them the desire to not take the pills.

They may have something different they can put you on and eventually work with you to get off of them.

God bless you for what you have done for your country. I am just a computer nerd, but my wife has a psychiatric background, specialized in children, but the fundamentals are the same. If you have any further questions please feel free to drop me a PM and I will get her opinion on the issue.

Most importantly see someone as soon as possible, do not try to handle this alone. You have been through and seen some shit people are just not meant to experience. You have time and again done for your country, now it is time to let the country do for you...

[thumper68]

When you get home, Look for a local support group, My bro in law was having the same issues you are when he got home from his 2nd tour. He hooked up with a support group through his local VA clinic and said it helped alot to talk about it with guys who had been through the same things he had.

[jwalker]

Hey bud, my mom has PTSD from when she was in the Marines and it still bothers her to this day. The meds and taliking to the head doc is the first big step to calm the flashbacks down. She keeps herself busy but from time to time she still has a small flashback. It just takes time to overcome it, you have been through and seen alot lately and we cant blame you for being sc ared or worried. Dont be emmbarased one bit, some people dont understand but you know that I was in the Army and you can talk to me. Dont worry what other peopl think or say, just keep your mind busy with crawling for now. Drop me a line brother anytime you need to talk, HOOAH. Or as my mother would say SEMPER FI

[LowCrawl]

Thanks all for your advice, this is really something very serious for me. i think i will seek out a support group at my VA. talking out makes the pain lighter but when i write about it, it physically leaves me. does that make sense? when im deployed i dont have to worry so much because i am with an immediate group of people that can relate, some of us are suffering from the very same thing. Just today i was at the gym for one last workout before i get on a plane, and when i got done showering i felt like i still had a buddy's blood covering me. it was bad. i hate it so much. i wen the whole deployment rather fine and then i come to the realization that ive created my comfort zone in combat. This is not the mindset of a family man. i cant be home with my family and still be in the mindset that i am ready to die at any moment, and be comfortable about it and have my poor wife understand that. thank you for your advice again. i will work on this as hard as i can for its time for this to be over.

[Robbob]

Originally Posted by LowCrawl

talking out makes the pain lighter but when i write about it, it physically leaves me. does that make sense?

Very much sense, it sounds like you may have found a way to help control it. Writing does wonders for a lot of people.

But like every one has said, there are lots of groups out there.

Good Luck and Thank you for putting yourself out there for us.

[jwalker]

Maybe you should start a journal or even write a book about it to help comfort you and let the civilians know what really goes on over there but put it in a story format. It is worth a shot.

[LowCrawl]

I actually have a LOT of my flashbacks written down. i hate reading them, but sometimes i look at the date and it helps me remember that that already happened and its all over now. it always feels like im burdening someone when im talking about it. like its my problem and i should deal with it. i had an old platoon sergeant that would drink it off, as my dad did. Not a good idea. It is vital that i am 100% functional as a soldier and a family man.

Originally Posted by jwalker

Maybe you should start a journal or even write a book about it to help comfort you and let the civilians know what really goes on over there but put it in a story format. It is worth a shot.

[robbio4422]

a close friend of mine did 3 tours. in his final weeks of his last tour he and his crew (not sure of the proper term... squad maybe) were hit by a very powerfull IUD. he was the only survivor and he ended up carrying the driver of the fuel truck he was in back to base on his shoulder. the driver (also a very close friend) lost his life in the original explosion but my friend was in too much shock to realize this at that point... this has caused alot of stress on him and his family.

when he came home, he lived with me for a bit. he told me i was the only person he was comfortable talking with. some of the stories i have heard have scared me. i cant imagine how much damage it has caused him.

something he does to help is along the lines of a journal. its called "free writing". basicly take exactly 10 minutes (or how ever much time u need, just set an exact amount of time). grab a pen and start writing... dont think... just write. if u miss spell some words dont correct it, just keep writing. dont worry about punctuation or grammer. this is about getting it all out. go into insane detail. what ever pops in your head, just write it. wether its about ur experiences over seas, about a girl you boned in high school, about a pimple on your back u just cant pop... it doesnt matter.

i really hope this help you like it has helped him.

and thanks a million for the services you have provided us with!

[RPP Hobby]

I can not give any advice unfortunately, But what I would like to do is Thank you for serving our country, and best of luck to you coming back and working through this. Thank you Corey

[72Blazer]

The VA is a great place to start.Joining the support group is probably the best treatment.You also should look into a support group for your wife and family.They need to know what you are going through,what to expect and what can be done to help.You can't do it alone,you need the supporrt and understanding of your family.If not it will just tear your family apart.Stay away from drinking a lot,be mindful of it.Alcohol can be your biggest enemy right now so be VERY careful.You realize you have a problem and want to get help and that is a BIG first step.I appaud you and I wish you the very best in your recovery.

[easleycrawler]

Hey man, I don't have any advice because I don't know what your going through. But I do want to say THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR US IN THIS COUNTRY. SO THANK YOU.

[bivens22]

As much as it scares you, it will scare your family more if you do not tell them about it too. You don't have to tell her all of the details, just get some off your chest. After my buddy's tours he would come back worse and worse. He would never tell his wife about what was happening. He would tell me , and then I would have to tell his wife. She would come to me crying asking what she did to make him this way. His psych even told him to let his wife know that it wasn't her or the kids making him mad. He was more afraid of letting her know what he did, or what he saw. He finally started letting her in on his thoughts and talked with a group of vets with the same issues and he is now starting to have less "fits", as he calls them.

[helhedded]

Originally Posted by LowCrawl

but when i write about it, it physically leaves me.

That sounds like it will help you a lot.

Originally Posted by LowCrawl

sometimes i look at the date and it helps me remember that that already happened and its all over now.

There is another thing that should help keep the past in the past.

[wanantrdsc]

Good luck, and God bless man.

Everyone has given you good advice. There are tons of meds out there. Some take a while to kick in, some take a bit for the weirdness (the feeling of the drug) to go away. Your brain chemistry is totally out of whack, because you have operated at this intense level of stress for so long, and the brain has finally said, I am done. Theres more, but its too long winded.

Do whatever it takes. You may want a psychiatrist and psychologist, as many psychiatrists have gone to mainly doing meds, so you will need a psychologist to sift through things. As far as the support groups, they work for some, and not for others, just depends on how you view them.

I dont have the words to express my gratitude for your service and sacrifice. Honestly, I cant imagine with all the CQB, IED's etc., how you arent all coming back with it. The level of awareness, and change in situations has got to play hell on the mind and body. I have heard and read that psychological issues are the primary casualty of these wars.
I cannot imagine how one goes of to war, and then comes back to "the world", and everything is just to be like it was before. Like you said, burnt meat on the bbq, and then fear of getting blown up. Brother I cannot imagine.

We have had various discussions here on stress related issues.

If you need an ear (keyboard, mouse, and monitor), feel free to pm me.
I have never had or dealt with PTSD, but I know the dark road of stress related health issues. Im always willing to listen, give advice, whatever.

You have to do this for yourself first! But, you have great motivation, you have a family. People in your life that you can trust, need to know whats going on. You will need their help, I will bet my life on it. There will be times that they will have to come in and pick you off you butt. DO NOT DO THIS ALONE (not yelling, just being firm)!

I understand in my own way, about the fear and embarrassment of having an attack (can discuss in an e-mail or pm). Controlling and dealing with fear is very important. Fear can lead to anger, in turn , it can then cause depression, and anxiety, and really beat you up. Dont deny it, dont hide from it, and at times dont hide it from others. The embarrassment is a big deal. This for a lot of people is about dignity, ego, pride, perception of strength, etc. None of these are criticisms, its just some of the basic issues. With many health things, you gotta just toss that embarrassment and dignity thing out the window.

I had cancer a few years ago, testicular cancer. Everything is cool now, but man in the beginning its a "sensitive issue". For the first few weeks I fought the the dignity and embarrassment, and it still comes and goes. I am by no means comparing mine to yours. After a while, I decided I had to let those things go if I was going to get through it, and deal with it.
Psychologically, it aint too cool having the doc yank out one of your nuts!

[dieselfuel]

i can't really help any man, never been there. i did wanna take the chance to thank you thought man, i know it can be rough. my grandpa was in WWII and my father in law was in Vietnam, i never knew either of them the way they used to be. my FIL drinks like crazy and has flashbacks once in a while, my grandpa just shut down. he died when i was 12yrs old and i hardly knew him. he hardly ever spoke to me or my brother.

[BLOODBANE]

First off, THANK YOU! What you are doing is to be commended and anyone that makes you feel ashamed of this doesnt have a clue about what you have seen or even had to do.
My advice. I have some buddies(they are older than me) that served in Viet Nam. One was in Saigon(an MP) during evac. and still to this day has some severe flashbacks about it. he said the biggest problem he has is that back then you were told to go and fight for your entire tour and then when you got back to the states, you were told not to anymore(that and the hippies, you know the history). We used to sit around drinking and it would start coming out. I never offered anything. No advice, no sympathy, nothing. Just let him get it out. He said that did more good for him than anything else. I never pushed for him to talk about it, but was just there. He has spent some time over there (as an adviser) and has kind of came to terms with it, but this is 30 some odd years later. My other buddy never had it as severe, but I did the same thing with him. My point? Find who ever it is your comfortable with, that won't make any judgements, and get it out. Get your help(professional) if you need it(from what my Uncle tells me about the VA, start now). If there is no one you can talk to, let me know I will give you my personal number(my phone is always on). Good luck and keep us posted on how things are going. Stay safe and get home soon.

[rugerboy]

My bro in law did 2 tours in the 82nd in afghanistan. He has it too and its a long hard road. He says the meds are tricky at first and when you and the doc get it right they DO help, but when they are not right then look out. Family or a good friend to talk to at your pace, that won't pry int to all the details, will help tremendously. Good luck!!

And thanks for your service!!

[Del Montess]

Some very good advice in this thread.
My ex-boyfriend had moderate PTSD from the marines, and he didn't handle it well, so I can tell you what not to do, but that doesn't do much good.

I studied PTSD a fair amount in nursing school, and can't offer much beyond what has already been recommended (there are a lot of smart men with a lot of experience on this board), besides offering another ear if you ever want to tell someone about what happened-- I have an incredibly high tolerance for dealing with tragedy (from my years in the Burn ICU and ER), and would not be disgusted, horrified, etc.. of anything you had to say, so if you would like to tell your stories and/or reactions to get them off of your chest you are more than welcome to PM me.

and, like most others have said, thank you for doing what you have done for this country and its citizens.

~Jess