Difficult day

[RD400]

Those who know me personally know I come from an...interesting past. I tend not to talk about it much due partly to my private nature. Today is a bit different though, today is the first time in 2 decades I was not able to go to my parents grave site to pay my respects and ponder on how life would have been different if my sister, brother, and I were not orphaned on this day 32 years ago. I was 3 years old the night they were both killed (my mom was in a vegetative state for almost 3 years before passing away due to the injuries suffered in the same accident that killed my father) and to this day can remember being told by my older sister who was 5 at the time...

"We have to go, mommy and daddy are dead" as a relative hauled trash bags with our clothes out to a waiting station wagon. Probably to much information for you guys but today has been difficult...


R.I.P Mom and Dad....

[blue10]

You're still there, man....and they know it.

[slobin3d]

It's hard to loose your parents, It's extremely hard to never know them!

There really isn't a hallmark card for these types of things.

[cascade crawler]

There is no way i can even began to imagine the pain you feel, as all I can say is try to keep your head up, as it seems you have been doing. I am sure there are harder times than others but keep positive. My condolences. Cliff

[hbj069]

I feel your pain Brother but I learned a long time ago that we cant put a question mark where god has put a period. I never got to meet my real Dad as he was killed in a truck accident so I lived a hellish life as a child not wanted by a very abusive stepfather who may have been instrumental in my mothers death at 51 years old. He died a last year a lonely piece of man that was sorry for the lives he changed.

Peace be to your heart brother.

[nmanuel01]

Man, hearing things like this really get to me. Your still here today man keep your head up and keep on going. I can remember the day my dad told me your grandpa has fallen and hit his head, driving two hours to see him, then being told it might not be such a good thing for a child to see. It sucks man so close and couldn't even say bye. Truly sorry about your lose.

[Duuuuuuuude]

I often marvel at people who have had rough or traumatic pasts because of the personal strengths they have gained from those experiences.

I also look into my own past and realize that without any of the hardships I may have had, everything I have now would not have been possible. The places I've been, the people I've met, the people I've loved and the people that loved me back. None of that would be the same and I don't know that I would really change it if I could.

[RD400]

Thanks guys. That night 32 years ago started a tangent life line that is odd. Being at your fathers funeral at 3 years old. Spending every Sunday after church sitting in a hospital room watching your mother die and not understanding why she will not talk to you. Being at your mothers funeral a week before starting 1st grade. Living with a grandmother and grandfather that assumed parental roles only to have your grandfather killed at the age of 9 by being ran over by a truck. Grandmother goes insane and ending up homeless and alone by 14. Having an aunt and uncle you never met invite you into their home after being homeless and locked up for a while....you get the point.

The first time I tried explaining it to the woman that would become my wife she thought I was a pathological lier and had to find others that knew to verify. These are usually things I deal with and ramble through while standing motionless, staring at their head stone.

Like I said before, to much information and for that I am sorry. Just a lot of ghosts in the head needing out.

[Rig Rocker]

R.i.p.

[Duuuuuuuude]

Originally Posted by RD400

Like I said before, to much information and for that I am sorry. Just a lot of ghosts in the head needing out.

Let it out if you need to. I highly doubt if anyone will give you shit about it.

[Krawler Konceptz]

Pretty harsh... I guess I have peace knowing if that ever happened to me and my husband my kids would be looked after well. Could not imagine having this happen to my own children that is horrifying......

[hotrodsonoma]

sorry to hear that man.they were so young too.i didnt/dont know my real dad(sperm donor you might as well say).my step dad has raised me all of my life(39 yrs)and cant and would never change it.my mother(GOD rest her soul)passed away in 08 after 13 yrs of hell(being sick).thank GOD she is alot better off now,no pain and suffering anymore.hold your head up bud,you have been thru alot and are still here and looks/sounds like you are living life to its fullest now.good to know you are seeing them every year though still.that is great.some people dont do that after so long.you do have family here also.we are all like one big family.

[EeePee]

The clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop
At late or early hour.

To lose one's wealth is sad indeed,
To lose one's health is more,
To lose one's soul is such a loss
That no man can restore.

The present only is our own,
So Live, Love, toil with a will --
Place no faith in 'Tomorrow' --
For the clock may then be still.

Robert H. Smith
©1932-1982

[Krawler Konceptz]

Originally Posted by EeePee

The clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop
At late or early hour.

To lose one's wealth is sad indeed,
To lose one's health is more,
To lose one's soul is such a loss
That no man can restore.

The present only is our own,
So Live, Love, toil with a will --
Place no faith in 'Tomorrow' --
For the clock may then be still.

Robert H. Smith
©1932-1982

I love that quote.....

[RD400]

Originally Posted by hotrodsonoma

they were so young too

My dad was 2 months shy of turning 24 when he died. My mom was 24. The day I turned 25 and officially out lived my parents was a pretty dark one.

[GREEDY GENIUS]

Sorry to hear that man...keep your head up.

I lost both my parents about a yr apart...
My pops 2 yrs ago,our last convo was the day before the NFL drafts and i remember walking by him on the couch and said:alright pop,heading to bed love ya,he said,you too and i'll let you know who the GIANTS select tomorrow...well that unfortunitly never happened...woke up 5am to go to work and walked by him sitting on the couch with sportscenter still on with his head tilted back,fell asleep and never woke up.

Worse part was,i had my little boy with me...told him to give grampa a kiss on the forhead but don't wake him up.

Hopefully your day gets better man.

[Mudsy]

My best buddy passed away without any warning of heart failure a week after his 24th birthday. It hit me really hard. I didn't even attend the funeral nor seen his grave site yet. It has been 15 years since his passing. I always like to think he was still alive doing his own thing out there somewhere. It is my own way of coping with his death. I know the the reality of it, but someday I will visit his grave. Just not just yet.

[Twiztid Metal]

I want to thank you for sharing your story with us. I realize that its been a while but I do need to take a drive and make a Visit to my moms grave. She died about 5 years ago due to cancer. Its really hard when your only 24 and lose your only parent in this world to give you insite and to lean to for advice and hardship. I am 29 now and could still use her advice, I try to live up to her expectations but its hard without her there to see what your doing. And its a shame that my son was only 3 when she died. He never got to be with her enough to know her, She loved that little boy soo much and it still hurts right now to even talk about it..

[crash]

Originally Posted by RD400

Thanks guys. That night 32 years ago started a tangent life line that is odd. Being at your fathers funeral at 3 years old. Spending every Sunday after church sitting in a hospital room watching your mother die and not understanding why she will not talk to you. Being at your mothers funeral a week before starting 1st grade. Living with a grandmother and grandfather that assumed parental roles only to have your grandfather killed at the age of 9 by being ran over by a truck. Grandmother goes insane and ending up homeless and alone by 14. Having an aunt and uncle you never met invite you into their home after being homeless and locked up for a while....you get the point.

The first time I tried explaining it to the woman that would become my wife she thought I was a pathological lier and had to find others that knew to verify. These are usually things I deal with and ramble through while standing motionless, staring at their head stone.

Like I said before, to much information and for that I am sorry. Just a lot of ghosts in the head needing out.

Like others have said thanks for sharing and some times its good to get things out. Some times it helps others better understand who and what you are.

But you have lived an interesting life for sure.

[RD400]

Once again, thanks to all of you for your kind words. I dealt with the day by letting work consume me until it was time to cook dinner for my son and wife. After that I took a shower and went to bed and slept for 14+ hours (which is amazing for an insomniac).

I woke up about 20 minutes ago, put on a pot of coffee, and am firing up the PS3 to play some GT5 with my son. It is weird how 1 day makes such a difference in where someone is mentally.


Thanks again, I didn't realize how moving away would effect how this day hit me.