Jokes guaranteed to offend almost everyone

[mr.maxx]

I tried to clean these up a little... Mods, You can kill it if I have gone too far.

What is better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded



What's blue and flucks old people?

Hypothermia



What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her.



How do you swat 200 flies at one time?

Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.




What is the definition of "making love"?

Something a woman does while a guy is flucking her.



What do 54,000 abused women every year have in common?

They don't flucking listen.



What's yellow and green and eats nuts?

Gonorrhea



Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating C once in a while too.



How can you tell a macho woman?

She rolls her own tampons.



Why do fags like ribbed condoms?

Better traction in the mud.



What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?

The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.



What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?

Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years

old.



How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry it.



What do you get when you cross two black people?

Your azz kicked.



What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.



Why do men pay more for car insurance?

Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.


What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?

Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.



Why do women call it PMS?

Mad Cow Disease was already taken.



What's a mixed feeling?

When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.


What's the height of conceit?

Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.








How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

The cake jumps out of the girl.



What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?

Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.



How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.




What's so good about an Ethiopian bj?

You know she'll swallow.



Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?

They don't want to wear out the camel.




What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.



What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A guy will actually search for a golf ball.



How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?

When the big hand touches the little hand...



How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.



Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

They spray paint X's on the back of the animals, that kick.



Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it's worth it.

[xjman]

Youll have to try harder than that to offend me.

[thaclodking]

Originally Posted by xjman

Youll have to try harder than that to offend me.

Same here.

[TMXONR]

I heard this the other day, I'll clean it up so it isnt so offensive


"If your rims are bigger than the tires on the truck parked next to you"
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You might be a drug dealer.

[slobin3d]

there were a few good ones in there

[ILoveRCRockCrawlin]

HAHA! Those where f'in halarious!

[sniders1975]

what do you call the balls on a fag mud flaps

[xjman]

How does a biggot change a lightbulb?















He doesnt, the b!tch can cook in the dark.

[DISTURBIN' tha PEACE]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?




















Nothing, she don't listen anyways.

[xjman]

Originally Posted by DISTURBIN' tha PEACE

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?




















Nothing, she don't listen anyways.

Or, nothing, you done told her twice.

[EZduzit]

what's the diiference between a microwave, and a gay encounter?










a microwave won't brown your meat.

[adamgreen]

How does a biggot change a lightbulb? That is the reason I observed folks who assist bibliography generator apa with college task

[King Dork]

Originally Posted by sniders1975

what do you call the balls on a fag mud flaps

Jesus Christ! I actually pissed myself a little with that one. Seriously, this is all very refreshing to me. I’m 48 years old and spent my best years growing up as a teen in the 80s. The soft, snowflake, ultra sensitive world of today literally makes me want to vomit. Men are no longer men (they even wax their vaginas now), and ladies are almost as manly as men “used” to be. The way everyone gets offended at everything anymore is disgusting. Say what you feel. If it bothers someone so be it, just don’t be a dick. If you don’t like what’s on a certain TV channel, shut up and change the channel. Same goes for the radio. Damn cancel culture is sickening. Just about everything they stand for offends me. I take great enjoyment in giving these jackholes the “wtf kind of creature are you shit eating grin”. Raising my boys to be REAL men and damn proud of it!
In case it flew by anyone’s radar, I LOVE this thread! It has a very proud American vibe to it that only a certain percentage of us can relate to. Thank y’all for this! I needed this!
Still, mudflaps,

[King Dork]

I will contribute one I recently heard from a good friend.

What’s the difference between a washing machine and your mom?
Nothing. I stuff my load in both of them.

[4wd4ws]

Originally Posted by King Dork

...The way everyone gets offended at everything anymore is disgusting...

Dark humor is like food and water, not everybody gets it.