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05-04-2007, 01:27 AM
| #1 |
| Quarry Creeper Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Juneau Alaska
Posts: 244
|  Pet Diary
excerpts from the the dog's daily diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! "Excerpts from a Cat's Diary" Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... |
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05-04-2007, 04:52 AM
| #2 |
| RCC Addict Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Eden Prairie, MN
Posts: 1,202
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"The dog receives special privileges.He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded." ROTFLMAO  |
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05-04-2007, 07:40 AM
| #3 |
| Rock Crawler Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Knoxville
Posts: 611
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nice find thats funny!  |
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05-04-2007, 07:46 AM
| #4 |
| I wanna be Dave Join Date: May 2006 Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 3,377
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good stuff, thanks for the chuckle!
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05-04-2007, 08:13 AM
| #5 |
| I wanna be Dave  Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Martinsburg WV
Posts: 2,781
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that was really funny...
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05-04-2007, 09:45 AM
| #6 |
| 20K Club   Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Sending illegals home one Hayabusa at a time.
Posts: 22,981
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freaking Cats, I knew they were evil!
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05-04-2007, 10:44 AM
| #7 |
| Rock Crawler Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Connecticut
Posts: 795
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That is awesome, I have to show my girlfriend later on..she'll get a kick out of it  |
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