Who still trusts the plan?

[indybama]

Yall got me rollin, ive got tears lmbo. Waaaaaayyyyyy to friggin funny!!!!!!! But im in the same relm as queso. 6 sheets is usually plenty, but i dont go to the extreme of 20°. Fold it in half, then half again, n half one more time just to b on the safe side...

[austin-92]

Originally Posted by high plains drifter

Folding? Wadding? Am I the only one who wraps about 3 ft of it around my hand like a mitt??

Nope, I like the mitt method as well.

Originally Posted by xtreme4x2

Just save a decent fart, blow the crust off. Done, no wiping needed.

C’mon man, you can’t make me laugh like that in the work shitter where I’m not supposed to have my phone lol


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[high plains drifter]

Whew! So I'm NOT so weird or mentally unstable after all. I'll be thinkin' of you, austin-92 next time I'm elbow deep in myself.

Gotta say that if I could hold in a fart these days, my wife would be a much happier woman.

[themountain]

Originally Posted by Phildirt

I mean how deep are you going in? I'm not trying to wipe food that isn't even fully digested yet lol

Originally Posted by high plains drifter

I'm pretty obsessive compulsive so going wrist deep past the sphincter is sometimes the only solution.

Wow ..this thread took an unforseen turn ...

[austin-92]

Originally Posted by high plains drifter

Whew! So I'm NOT so weird or mentally unstable after all. I'll be thinkin' of you, austin-92 next time I'm elbow deep in myself.

Gotta say that if I could hold in a fart these days, my wife would be a much happier woman.

I’m honored, and ditto lol.


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[QuesoDelDiablo]

Mitt method....

You guys are savages!

[ScaleLifeNewbie]

High Plains Drifter, you only go in elbow deep? I'll be lucky If I'm half way up my forearm, sometimes even shoulder deep

[mikemcE]

From your comments, y’all are full of shit ????????


Hang up and Drive

[Greatscott]

Originally Posted by mikemcE

From your comments, y’all are full of shit ????????


Hang up and Drive

I would see that as less of a question, and more as a self-evident axiom.

[mikemcE]

Originally Posted by Greatscott

I would see that as less of a question, and more as a self-evident axiom.

Just being polite.


Hang up and Drive

[Greatscott]

So, this thread reminds me of a parable known as "The Bear and the Bunny"

This is the way I heard it....

One morning, brown bear was crouched next to a tree, hunched over, and straining. Proving that they do in fact do 'that' in the woods, he was dropping a bear-sized morning duce.
As the brown bear was doing his business, and pondering life, the way brown bears do, he heard a squeaky grunt behind him. Turning, the brown bear saw a white bunny, dropping bunny pellets on the other side of the same tree.
Brown bear said, "Oh, hi bunny..."
"Hi bear", the bunny replied through a squeaky grunt. "I hope you don't mind me sharing the tree with you bear."
The brown bear, still grunting said, "Not at all, its a good tree."
"Indeed" the bunny replied with another squeaky grunt.
And so, the white bunny and brown bear squatted at the same tree.
The brown bear, with what sound to the bunny as his final grunt of the bear's morning constitutional, asked the white bunny, "Hey bunny, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
The bunny, still grunting the way bunnies do replied, "Why, no bear, what is on your mind?"
The brown bear, taking a heavy sigh, look around the tree at the bunny, with a serious look on his face. The bunny was a little worried because the bunny could see the faint crimson around the bear's mouth, the blood of a recent meal. The brown bear asked, bowing its heavy brow, "Bunny, do you ever...." the bear pause, as if he was collecting his thoughts.
"Yes, bear?" the bunny asked, clear of the squeaky grunt, being done with his business at the tree.
The brown bear took another deep sign, and raised his big black eyes to the bunny, "Bunny, do you ever have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
The bunny, a little amused by the combination of the bears heavy demeanor and question, gave the bear the best two-toothed grin a bunny could, and replied to the brown bear, "Why no bear, that is not really a problem with us bunnies..."
The bunny could tell right away that his answer pleased the bear, as if the issue of shitty fur had weighed heavily on the bear's mind. The bunny, wanting to inspire the brown bear more was about to tell the bear about how bunnies cleaned their fur, if they ever did had any problems like shit sticking to it. The bunny took in a deep breath, but before he could speak, the brown bear grabbed the bunny, and all that was heard was a muffled, panicked squeaking from the white bunny as the brown bear wiped his ass with the creature. The brown bear cast the once-white bunny aside, and with a grin walked away from the shitting tree, ready to start his day.

The moral of this story, be careful how much information you volunteer, because it might be used against you. So endith the lesson...

[indybama]

Great story scott!!!!!! Ive heard that before lol

The end of the story kinda reminded of a brand of tp too. Charmin has the bears right? "Brown bears" if i remembef correctly. But if u look at the walmart brand of charmin, the great value kind, it has white bunnies lmbo

[Boomer75]

Originally Posted by Greatscott

So, this thread reminds me of a parable known as "The Bear and the Bunny"

This is the way I heard it....

One morning, brown bear was crouched next to a tree, hunched over, and straining. Proving that they do in fact do 'that' in the woods, he was dropping a bear-sized morning duce.
As the brown bear was doing his business, and pondering life, the way brown bears do, he heard a squeaky grunt behind him. Turning, the brown bear saw a white bunny, dropping bunny pellets on the other side of the same tree.
Brown bear said, "Oh, hi bunny..."
"Hi bear", the bunny replied through a squeaky grunt. "I hope you don't mind me sharing the tree with you bear."
The brown bear, still grunting said, "Not at all, its a good tree."
"Indeed" the bunny replied with another squeaky grunt.
And so, the white bunny and brown bear squatted at the same tree.
The brown bear, with what sound to the bunny as his final grunt of the bear's morning constitutional, asked the white bunny, "Hey bunny, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
The bunny, still grunting the way bunnies do replied, "Why, no bear, what is on your mind?"
The brown bear, taking a heavy sigh, look around the tree at the bunny, with a serious look on his face. The bunny was a little worried because the bunny could see the faint crimson around the bear's mouth, the blood of a recent meal. The brown bear asked, bowing its heavy brow, "Bunny, do you ever...." the bear pause, as if he was collecting his thoughts.
"Yes, bear?" the bunny asked, clear of the squeaky grunt, being done with his business at the tree.
The brown bear took another deep sign, and raised his big black eyes to the bunny, "Bunny, do you ever have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
The bunny, a little amused by the combination of the bears heavy demeanor and question, gave the bear the best two-toothed grin a bunny could, and replied to the brown bear, "Why no bear, that is not really a problem with us bunnies..."
The bunny could tell right away that his answer pleased the bear, as if the issue of shitty fur had weighed heavily on the bear's mind. The bunny, wanting to inspire the brown bear more was about to tell the bear about how bunnies cleaned their fur, if they ever did had any problems like shit sticking to it. The bunny took in a deep breath, but before he could speak, the brown bear grabbed the bunny, and all that was heard was a muffled, panicked squeaking from the white bunny as the brown bear wiped his ass with the creature. The brown bear cast the once-white bunny aside, and with a grin walked away from the shitting tree, ready to start his day.

The moral of this story, be careful how much information you volunteer, because it might be used against you. So endith the lesson...

Nice one, I haven’t heard that parable in along time. I guess another point could be that you never trust a dude that starts up a conversation while in the shitter. I recently watched the episode of Rick and Morty focused on Rick being a shy pooperand this made think of that. I certainly prefer the secluded pooping approach when possible.

[Phildirt]

Back in the stone ages when we still went to the office a lot of the guys would have conversations between the stalls...I always thought it was odd. The other thing I thought was odd was how long dudes will spend staring at a phone on the toilet these days. I can go in, do my thing, wash up, and leave and there's never a sound from the stalls, just a screen glow and silence...and my employer does not care if we look at our phones at our desk. Back in the day you had to read the ingredients on the Lysol can if you were backed up or just stare at patterns on the tile or something. Kids these days...

Anyone here ever drop a phone into the toilet? Back when I did construction one of my crew dropped his Nextel radio into a port-o-let and got it back out, soaked in the blue water. I told him I would have left it. Made for some funny jokes later.

For you youg uns a Nextel radio was like a mix between a cell phone and a walkie talkie with unlimited range. Beep Beep 'go ahead' Beep...Beep Beep '10-4' Beep...all over the job site. Then non construction types started using them, I knew a drug dealer that had one lol. Annoying as hell but was a huge leap in technology back then.

[OSRC]

How did I miss this thread??

What is it with men and crap? I'm as guilty as anyone, we used to surf ratemypoo at my old construction job all the time, hilarious site. And anytime someone spent some time in the bathroom or port-o-pot, we regaled each other with vivid descriptions of what took place so we could all share the experience - Shape, Size, Texture, Ease of passage, Scent....

Oh, and anytime we had a fart brewing, we made sure to park it in front of a fan so the entire office could surf the waft. Good times. After taco night and a particularly cheesy, Tabasco covered egg breakfast piled on top, I cleared the entire office once just before noon. I actually made one of the ladies retch. I consider it one of my finest moments.

Friday's were the best... after Thursday night happy hour with beer and nacho's, it was always a good day on Friday. I'll never forget the time a particularly large dude splatterbowled so bad, not only did he get it on the outside of the toilet, he got a bit on the stall wall. Very impressive.

And for the record, I prefer the cheapest, roughest TP I can find, and I wad. Soft, folded TP just feels like it's smearing around. Doesn't do a damn thing after wing night. I like some texture.

[OSRC]

Originally Posted by Phildirt

Anyone here ever drop a phone into the toilet? Back when I did construction one of my crew dropped his Nextel radio into a port-o-let and got it back out, soaked in the blue water. I told him I would have left it. Made for some funny jokes later.

On our sites, if you left your Nextel laying around, the boss would get a "Fart Chirp" direct from your phone. It's exactly what it sounds like. We had plenty go in the port-o-pot... not too many made it into the water, usually they hit the pile and stuck there.

I miss construction, our company was so damn funny - I never laughed so hard in my life.

[mikemcE]

Laughing, I never did but my ex boss, dropped multiple beepers into the swirling waters, But when the flip phones came out he replaced his monthly!


Hang up and Drive

[spraytruckdolby]

Originally Posted by Greatscott

So, this thread reminds me of a parable known as "The Bear and the Bunny"

This is the way I heard it....

One morning, brown bear was crouched next to a tree, hunched over, and straining. Proving that they do in fact do 'that' in the woods, he was dropping a bear-sized morning duce.
As the brown bear was doing his business, and pondering life, the way brown bears do, he heard a squeaky grunt behind him. Turning, the brown bear saw a white bunny, dropping bunny pellets on the other side of the same tree.
Brown bear said, "Oh, hi bunny..."
"Hi bear", the bunny replied through a squeaky grunt. "I hope you don't mind me sharing the tree with you bear."
The brown bear, still grunting said, "Not at all, its a good tree."
"Indeed" the bunny replied with another squeaky grunt.
And so, the white bunny and brown bear squatted at the same tree.
The brown bear, with what sound to the bunny as his final grunt of the bear's morning constitutional, asked the white bunny, "Hey bunny, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
The bunny, still grunting the way bunnies do replied, "Why, no bear, what is on your mind?"
The brown bear, taking a heavy sigh, look around the tree at the bunny, with a serious look on his face. The bunny was a little worried because the bunny could see the faint crimson around the bear's mouth, the blood of a recent meal. The brown bear asked, bowing its heavy brow, "Bunny, do you ever...." the bear pause, as if he was collecting his thoughts.
"Yes, bear?" the bunny asked, clear of the squeaky grunt, being done with his business at the tree.
The brown bear took another deep sign, and raised his big black eyes to the bunny, "Bunny, do you ever have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?"
The bunny, a little amused by the combination of the bears heavy demeanor and question, gave the bear the best two-toothed grin a bunny could, and replied to the brown bear, "Why no bear, that is not really a problem with us bunnies..."
The bunny could tell right away that his answer pleased the bear, as if the issue of shitty fur had weighed heavily on the bear's mind. The bunny, wanting to inspire the brown bear more was about to tell the bear about how bunnies cleaned their fur, if they ever did had any problems like shit sticking to it. The bunny took in a deep breath, but before he could speak, the brown bear grabbed the bunny, and all that was heard was a muffled, panicked squeaking from the white bunny as the brown bear wiped his ass with the creature. The brown bear cast the once-white bunny aside, and with a grin walked away from the shitting tree, ready to start his day.

The moral of this story, be careful how much information you volunteer, because it might be used against you. So endith the lesson...

A bear and a bunny are shitting in the woods. The bear looks at the bunny and asks, “Does it bother you when shit sticks to your fur?” “No” says the rabbit. So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with him.

Brevity shit stick. Brevity.


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[Greatscott]

Originally Posted by spraytruckdolby

A bear and a bunny ...

Brevity shit stick. Brevity.

"Brevity is the soul of witt, therefore I'll be brief..."

[spraytruckdolby]

Originally Posted by Greatscott

"Brevity is the soul of witt, therefore I'll be brief..."

Bravo!


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