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Old 02-04-2010, 01:43 PM   #1
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Default How about anyone fighting depression

So how about it. Is anyone fighting Depression?

Absolutly no ambition to do anything. Get them thoughts all the time. You know what I mean.

I have been fighting this battle for over 25 years. On and off meds, been hosplitalized and the works. I have no ambition to do anything. I try to do something and just can't. I bent up some stuff to be brazed together but I just can't do it. Then on to the relationship thing with the wife. Lets just say that the tool is not working much. Have a 5 month old son and three teenage daughters and still can't get happy anymore.

I sit for hours with my colt and 1 round, just thinking. Back and forth, back and forth.

It is not money, it is not toys, Have all I need.

I can't go to the wife as she does not understand. Can't talk to my close freinds as they don't understand and are scared to be around me when I talk about this stuff.

I have gone to Doctors and all they do is give me a freakign script for some damn pills and tell me to come back in a week. The pills do not fawking work for me.

I am sick of this war in my head and am getting real tired of the battle. I wish that I would just die in my sleep.

Anyone ever get to the point of almost saying **** it!
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Old 02-04-2010, 01:54 PM   #2
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I've had no ambition of doing anything, but I think that may have come more from laziness than anything. I have felt like I was just drowning though and there was no one to talk to, but never as bad as you.

Don't do anything rash. You can always vent out here or other forums and maybe go to support groups or something. Just don't do something rash that will affect your friends and family. A few people from my high school this last year (after I graduated) have killed themselves by stepping in front of trains... they don't know the amount of pain they cause for other people. It's never a good solution.

Just my $.02
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:07 PM   #3
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dude sounds like you have a lot to live for. you don't know what that does to your love ones. think of them and not your self. things will get better.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:09 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rat1 View Post
So how about it. Is anyone fighting Depression?

Absolutly no ambition to do anything. Get them thoughts all the time. You know what I mean.

I have been fighting this battle for over 25 years. On and off meds, been hosplitalized and the works. I have no ambition to do anything. I try to do something and just can't. I bent up some stuff to be brazed together but I just can't do it. Then on to the relationship thing with the wife. Lets just say that the tool is not working much. Have a 5 month old son and three teenage daughters and still can't get happy anymore.

I sit for hours with my colt and 1 round, just thinking. Back and forth, back and forth.

It is not money, it is not toys, Have all I need.

I can't go to the wife as she does not understand. Can't talk to my close freinds as they don't understand and are scared to be around me when I talk about this stuff.

I have gone to Doctors and all they do is give me a freakign script for some damn pills and tell me to come back in a week. The pills do not fawking work for me.

I am sick of this war in my head and am getting real tired of the battle. I wish that I would just die in my sleep.

Anyone ever get to the point of almost saying **** it!

damn man,that sux.
there is nothing that lifts your spirits?
when I was younger in my teens I got the basic type of depression I guess.

and my fix was adrenalin.
take it out on something else.

conoeing down whitewater rapids.
getting in a fight with 3 guys all bigger than me
dirt bikes
chasing strange.

now its just rc

but I try to find pleasure in the smallest things.

like having my back to a hard cold wind with the sun warming my face.
life is a race it seams sometimes.

but know this,life is to dang short to be going around unsatisfied.
the only thing we can control in this world is our attitude and actions.

you have to keep searching till you find what puts a smile on your face.
for me, watching my family have fun sometimes is more fun than doing things myself.and a short skirt on a firm woman still works for me.


GOD BLESS THE WOMEN WHO WEAR SHORT SKIRTS

man I hope you get to feeling better about things.
you got to go have some fun.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:25 PM   #5
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dude sounds like you have a lot to live for. you don't know what that does to your love ones. think of them and not your self. things will get better.
That is the only thing that has kept me going for the last 15 years. My kids. But it has been a long hard tiring battle.
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Old 02-04-2010, 02:57 PM   #6
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I totally hear you! I fight depression everyday! Some days are way worse than others. I have 2 daughters 16 and 13, them along with my wife are the only things that keep me alive. There's alot of stuff I "need" to do, or just want to do and I never get that far. Hell I have the new slash 4x4, I've had it a week. I finally got as far as painting the body. Im 38 and I gave up on docs and medication a long time ago. Mainly I just deal with it. I even tattooed my forearm with a symbol that means basically "stay alive". I stare at it alot. It actually has helped me. I know what you mean about the wife and friends, impossible to talk to,with them not understanding this kind of feeling. I just read everything I said, boy I'm all over the place.

All I can say is when you have that pistol in your hand, you need to concentrate on how you love your wife and children and how your wife and kids would feel about you being gone. Or what if one of your kids are the one that finds you dead and bloody? Imagine what that would do to them.
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Old 02-04-2010, 03:59 PM   #7
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Depression is some tough stuff. The Dr's perscribe meds alot because medication will take the edge off enough for a person to be able to function and usually do therapy. Therapy is going to be the key and will be something that is most effective. I seen they re-released "seroquel" which is a great medication for depression. Thing about anxiety/depression meds is they usually take a good month to 6 weeks to really get into effect and do there job. So I would suggest sticking with the meds and see if theres a psychologist ya can get in to. Theres no reason that you should have to live with depression. And realize that it is a VERY VERY common thing and is not something to be ashamed of by any means.

Just keep your head up and take it day by day. Good luck!
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Old 02-04-2010, 04:04 PM   #8
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its hard to give opinions and thoughts on something
like this, because everyone has it different. i personally
found the medication doing more harm than good, i have
had a friend take her life mainly because of people trying
to help and medication.

i didnt know what she was going through because she didnt tell anyone.
one night i had a dream and she said "im not gone yet" or something similar.
the next morning i found a letter she gave me that i forgot bout, it was
taped up and written backwards. it said some pretty bad shit that i wish
i had known about. all the time i miss her and think how much she has missed.

i have insomnia and havnt slept for several years. every now and then
i have a breakdown. almost burst or do burst into tears, and just want
to die. i know where your coming from. everything is just too much.
my starsign (usually i dont give a toss bag over) said i will "battle on
my own" today or sum shit. that was enough for me to suck it up and soldier on.

life to me is like a little battle, we are little soldiers having to be
pretty strong/hard not to be taken advantage of, look after others
have a job, maintain relationships and most importantly and with
more difficulty, look after ourselves.

if i was over there i would come and have a beer with ya
and a doobie for a chat. the fact you have come this far
with your wife and kids makes you a gentlemen and a scholar.

alot of things are easier said than done but hold in there mate
as someone said you can always come on here for a laugh or to
vent or chat, good bunch of blokes on here.

peace mate.
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Old 02-04-2010, 04:05 PM   #9
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I don't fight depression, but have had friends that did. I really feel for you, and hope you can get some help. If your wife won't listen to you, then MAKE her! She's your partner after all.

Depression isn't just you being in a bad mood, it's a medical condition that can be treated, but you need to get the help. Don't let the stigma of treatment slow you down....get help now, and if your doctor can't help you, find a new one!!

.
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Old 02-04-2010, 04:14 PM   #10
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I would have to say YES... been right where you are on many occasions.

I wished i had some magic remedy for it and me telling you to hang in there is just like everyone else's advice. I just do 1 day at a time. the best i can make of it.

Mine comes from being electrocuted(and dying) at work and messing up the way my brain is wired. it hasn't affected the way i think, just what i think about. There is a part of me that could careless for anything or anybody. I went through the drinking,drugs(pills), fighting, women and adrenaline junkie stages. All that really did for me was cost an ass-load of money.

Seen several Doctor's, but they have no clue, "take this drug and it will make you feel better, in 4-6wks". Nope didn't do a thing for me. Some days it's a struggle to get out of bed, but i deal with it. As far as a normal relationship goes, ain't happening, as soon as she starts her "woman act", why are you late?, where have you been?, you and these damn RC toys, OUT THE DOOR she goes.

The thing that keeps me from pulling the trigger? Is what tomorrow has to offer.

* just a note for those that have not dealt with Depression, you can't judge those that have or do.*
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Old 02-04-2010, 04:19 PM   #11
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You mentioned youve fought it for 25 years now. What happened or was going on 25 years ago?

btw almost every major city has "rock gyms" now. Take up rockclimbing, indoors if necessary. It's cheaper than you think and you get in shape FAST. Health can play a big part on mood as well.
You can lead or climb with a rop already anchore up top to catch you. Funny how much life means when a foot slips placing an anchor, and when climbing only your feet, hands and the next hold matter....nothing else. It made me want to keep going. I climbed for the same reasons as you , at first, as you should. A good focus/distraction. Hiking too. Anything to get out of the city...with a friend if youre feeling iffy.
On a side note I know you were being brief,but the comment: It's not money, it's not toys I have all I need" concerns me. I assume you value more in life than just these things right, cuz those are NOT what's important in this life. Too many waste their lives over it.
But really what about 25 years ago?

Last edited by solomon7; 02-04-2010 at 04:37 PM.
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Old 02-04-2010, 04:54 PM   #12
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You mentioned youve fought it for 25 years now. What happened or was going on 25 years ago?

btw almost every major city has "rock gyms" now. Take up rockclimbing, indoors if necessary. It's cheaper than you think and you get in shape FAST. Health can play a big part on mood as well.
You can lead or climb with a rop already anchore up top to catch you. Funny how much life means when a foot slips placing an anchor, and when climbing only your feet, hands and the next hold matter....nothing else. It made me want to keep going. I climbed for the same reasons as you , at first, as you should. A good focus/distraction. Hiking too. Anything to get out of the city...with a friend if youre feeling iffy.
On a side note I know you were being brief,but the comment: It's not money, it's not toys I have all I need" concerns me. I assume you value more in life than just these things right, cuz those are NOT what's important in this life. Too many waste their lives over it.
But really what about 25 years ago?

Well we don't have rock gyms here. Even if we had stuff like that I would be out due to my physical health. 5'9 260# smoker with a bad back etc.

As far as 25 years. Don't know what started it. It could have been longer since I am pushing mid 40s

The reason I mention money, toys etc is because some people seem to think money and depression go hand in hand. Heck last summer I bought myself a Harley Electraglide classic with a bunch of goodies on it. Going out on long day rides kind of helped keep my mind half straight. Too bad it is in the teens right now and the ground is covered in snow and Ice as I would go for a ride. I put over 3000 miles on it last summer and I got it mid summer.

I have tried talking to the wife at times and some of my friends. The wife just says "everyone is depressed" "Go do something constructive" after she just gets mad at me.
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:04 PM   #13
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My SO and I go back and forth with some low down times. You know what helps me and my girl? Exercise. Nothing else clears my head like a bike ride, yoga or pilates session, rock climb, hike, or whatever. Just because you are in bad shape doesn't mean you can't do anything, it just means you won't be able to do the things a 14 year old gymnast could do. I slipped a lower lumbar disc on 2002, have dislocated both my shoulders, ripped my left kneecap, and have many other little injuries that add up. Certainly I can't be too active, but I can be active enough to make a difference in my head. I just can't think about anything else when my task at hand is making me out of breath or forces me to focus for my health's sake.


Give some physical activity a shot, even if it is just a brisk walk. It is amazing how little the brain works when the body is shouting.
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:06 PM   #14
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Well we don't have rock gyms here. Even if we had stuff like that I would be out due to my physical health. 5'9 260# smoker with a bad back etc.

As far as 25 years. Don't know what started it. It could have been longer since I am pushing mid 40s

The reason I mention money, toys etc is because some people seem to think money and depression go hand in hand. Heck last summer I bought myself a Harley Electraglide classic with a bunch of goodies on it. Going out on long day rides kind of helped keep my mind half straight. Too bad it is in the teens right now and the ground is covered in snow and Ice as I would go for a ride. I put over 3000 miles on it last summer and I got it mid summer.

I have tried talking to the wife at times and some of my friends. The wife just says "everyone is depressed" "Go do something constructive" after she just gets mad at me.
bundle up and put your purse in your saddle bags and go for a ride... dont let a little cold snow and ice stop you..... KIDDING! go out in the garage and crank some tunes and tinker with your bike. I have to keep my brain busy at times to help myself
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:14 PM   #15
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I dealt with depression for a few years, and even cared for my manic-depressive sis-in-law while she was full bore into a huge manic peak. You think depression is bad...wow...

Anyways...I'm gonna go ahead and say that if you were really serious about that gun you wouldn't be here talking to us. It takes stones to bring such a personal thing into the open, and yet here you are. Thats a good thing.

I also got to a point where I was near suicidal, but not real serious about it. I had alot of irrational thoughts, my emotions were all over the place. I almost broke down and started crying at work because I couldn't find a screwdriver. There were also voices, but really it was only one, my own. You could say it was like my alter-ego or whatever that was constantly chatting up a storm in the background. Said some pretty messed up things too.

There was never any money for doctors or medication. I just dealt with it. At some point I got tired of dealing with it and just made up my mind I wasn't going to live like that anymore, and slowly things got better. I told my nasty other-self to shove it up his ass and his ranting got quieter and quieter untill one day he was gone.

I heard a saying once that "the difference between disappointment and depression is your commitment to the situation". Now whenever something starts to get me down, I take a good look at it and decide whether its worth making such a big deal over. 95% of the time its not and I chalk it up as a disappointment. It really makes things alot easier to work through.

If you feel unmotivated, think of something super simple and easy to do. Write it down, do it, then cross it off. Tie your shoes, clip your toe nails, anything. Don't make a huge list because it will get overwhelming. Just one thing, keep it simple and easy to do. Pretty soon you'll be banging out the easy stuff and be working your way towards other things.

I don't know if any of this will help, I hope it does. Life is too short to live in a depressed state, and its much too short to end it early. Just keep talking to people untill you find someone that will listen and understand.
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:21 PM   #16
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Mon,,, you need a hobby...lol

Heres a few things to ponder, or not.

Everyone else is having fun. If you die it wont show them anything, it wont teach then how you feel. They will still be having fun.

Where there is a will, there is a way. Find your will. What makes you happy.

God makes all thing new again.

Put your self in fun places, and sooner or later you will start to have fun.

Only you can change the way you think.

Ah, well.. Thats about all I have.....
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:28 PM   #17
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Rat1, there's a lot of good advice to your post. I don't have much to say, because every post I've read before mine is good advice. I hope this helps you out. My Skateboard is what got me out of my funk, now it's my Berg.
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Old 02-04-2010, 08:37 PM   #18
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I know what you mean, I used to be a happy go lucky kind of guy. Just rolled with whatever and then bang, bang, bang. Lost my job, wife and I split, I'm just making my bills. I'm drunk after work till I got to bed. I get my 3 year old daughter on the weekends and can't do much with her cause it's cold as hell here and I'm broke. I think about how I could just pop off a single round and poof all done with. Then I think about how my little girl would be without her dad. And that is a cowards way out. And I still have my pride and my word. About all I have now.

I have to say it. If it were not for that little girl I would not be posting this. I hate to use cliches but you need to man up. Life sucks and it cant be all fun. 25 years is a long time, but you have gone this far. I'm not a god fearing man, but I do believe there is a reason for almost everyone on this planet. You just need to stop worrying about it. Maybe like JRH said you need to find a distraction. Stop trying to solve your issue and move on.

Last edited by hitman46mod; 02-04-2010 at 08:51 PM.
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Old 02-04-2010, 09:26 PM   #19
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I wish nothing but the best for you man, check this out, maybe it's something you have considered, maybe not.

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/diet-recovery
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Old 02-04-2010, 09:52 PM   #20
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i will share some of my own personal issues.

im 36 and ever since i was younger i have had "problems". around my early to mid teens i was diagnosed with OCD and later on the anxiety caused from the OCD manifested into panic attacks. now i worry alot and cant stop thinking about irrational things. along with the other two problems it makes my life interesting to say the least..

the ocd caused me to do wacky things like untie and retie my shos multiple times or something bad will happen. i dont go far because i get panic attacks and i worry over things and can not stop thinking about them. see my "TELEMARKETER" thread here on rcc in chit chat. i wanted to tell people that i suffer from these problems in that thread but i didnt have the balls. then i read this and realize im not the only one, its time to share. i hope you know that..you are not the only one. we find comfort knowing there are others.

i hope the best for you.
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